Ethel's Law

Dogs Against Romney

2012-01-13T14:57:00.000-08:00

Obviously children and animals can't vote, or we wouldn't be in this mess. I know some children are monsters (like we-have-to-talk-about Kevin), and that some animals eat other ones, or just kill them and drag them around the house in their mouths all day, but still, why shouldn't we have a say in the people who get to make all the rules that we have to follow (and if we don't, we have to take meds)? If you can't find another reason to not like Romney (then there's something wrong with you or you're the 0.01%), then just ask yourself if you really want the commander in chief to be a man who drove to Canada to escape the draft with the "family" dog strapped to the roof, and his kids in the back horrified at the dog shit dripping down the windows. I'd hate to think what he'd do to a dog who wasn't a member of the family (and don't even get me started about the Mormons and their "family" values). And please don't call Mr. Rommell "Mittens" because I know a cat named Mittens, and he's a nice cat and his name shouldn't be dragged through the dog poop like that.

How I got expelled from Sunday School

2011-12-31T15:16:00.000-08:00

We were asked to talk to God. Here's my "talk". It was pretty one-sided:

Alright God. What the fuck? First of all, I want you to know that I am here under duress. I am forced to come here because my parents/owners are making me. I don’t believe in you, and if you are real, then we should definitely not be worshipping you. No, Mrs. Hoogen, I will not “pray” silently. Why shouldn’t the other children hear what I have to say? They’re being brain-washed, even if they’re supposed to silently do it to themselves. God is a sham/scam/lie. Really? He’s going to send me to hell? Is that the same as the principal’s office? Why, because I asked a question? Pointed out the obvious? You were the one who taught us about God telling Abraham to kill his son. Then why don’t we worship the Son of Sam? Now if you’ll excuse me, I was talking to “god.” I normally would not talk to you, but since I’m in your “house,” whatever. I’m not going to talk to you anymore after this, because you’re an egomaniac, or just a maniac. Everyone praying to you and treating you like god, and you think you’re all that – and you periodically drown everyone and destroy cities, and you killed Mrs. Lot because she disobeyed and looked, but you let Mr. Lot offer his daughters to the rapist mob and then take them to the mountains and impregnate them himself. You should be in prison, not owning all the biggest houses in every town and city. You might have the rest of the people fooled, but not me. You’re NAKED! Like Noah was. And it’s not a pretty sight. You’re disgusting. And I’m not an atheist except it depends on how you define believe in. I’m not going to say you don’t exist, because I don’t know. I don’t know a lot of things. But if you do exist, I don’t believe in you – like people believe in love or magic. I don’t believe you have my best interests at heart. How come those 10 commandments involve respecting your parents, but not your children? They don’t need to be respected, because they’re bigger and can kill us if they want to –and a lot more children are killed by their parents than parents are killed by their children. That’s right. They’re afraid of us. How come children who kill their parents get harsher sentences than parents who kill their children? Or at least fathers who kill their children. Mothers get harsh sentences too, I guess because it’s considered unladylike – and of course mom is killing HIS children. And maybe juries and judges are afraid that if their mothers could kill them they would. Anyway, I’m getting off the track. I don’t like these ten commandments, and I think they say an awful lot about you and what’s wrong with you. Honor? Honor me, motherfucker

I WISH it was the Planet of the Apes

2011-08-31T17:12:00.000-07:00

Mother bear kills cub and then itself

I don't even know what to say about this, except to say that she should've killed the humans instead. ALL the humans. What is wrong with people? This momma grizzly is a hero (unlike Palin, who would probably approve of people keeping bears in cages and "milking" their gall bladders to make "medicine" for penis enlargement or whatever.) Didn't people watch the Planet of the Apes? I'm not saying all Chinese would do this. I know there are animal rights people everywhere, but the Chinese government doesn't seem to have a problem with it, and when they take over the world next week then we shouldn't be surprised if us Americans end up in cages with metal vests on having our pancreases milked so the newly diabetic obese Chinese boys (cause that's what the children pretty much are) can have fresh insulin.

I think it's time for a remake of Kung Fu Panda - but this one won't be a Disney movie.

Gender labeling of meat

2011-07-05T12:15:00.000-07:00

It seems that there is a lot of violence in the animal world: gang rapes by ducks, elephant seals attacking the females and "accidentally" killing baby seals, male otters beating up the females in order to "mate" (see my last post). Meat should have gender labeling so that only the brutal animals will be eaten (if you still eat meat!). And before you get all "women do the same thing to men, so everything is all fair and let's just leave it all alone" it's not ALWAYS the males abusing the females. Female praying mantises eat the males - but still gender labeling will make that clear, so if you eat praying mantises or black widow spiders, then you'll know which ones to eat. We should be eating the abusers, not their victims.

Eat your enemies, not your friends!

Our revolution must extend to the Otters (and beyond)

2011-06-29T12:32:00.000-07:00

Below you will see a cute picture of an otter, one of my favorite animals. But then, I read the caption, which I made bigger for you below that so you can read in horror what I read.

I can no longer say that otters are my favorite animals. Only the female otters. It says "This otter, identified as female - her scarred face is an indicator of mating practices--" What???? There's domestic violence among otters? he has to scratch and chew her face as a part of 'mating practices'? How exactly does that lead to more baby otters? If she doesn't like you, then get off, you jerk otter. people always excuse men for being violent and raping by saying they're just expressing their "animal nature." Well if that's true, then we need to expand our feminist revolution to the animals, because at least half the animals are girls, and I don't think they're down with the "it's animal nature" argument.

So listen up Mr. Otter, next time you try to mate with a cute little female otter, you better check first and make sure she's not sporting a praying mantis tattoo!

What is wrong with this picture?

2011-06-27T16:10:00.000-07:00

When a dying kid's wish is to kill
A nonprofit helps terminally ill children with the unusual -- and to some, alarming -- dream of hunting an animal
BY ROBERT ITO

iStockphoto/MoniqueRodriguez
Tina Pattison is in the wish-granting business. As president and founder of the nonprofit organization Hunt of a Lifetime, Pattison helps kids with life-threatening illnesses fulfill their dreams of shooting their first elk, or moose or boar. If your son is dying and wants to visit Disneyworld, well, she can't do anything for you. But if your son wants to go out in the wilds of Maine with a high-powered rifle and bring down a really big bear, Pattison's the woman you want to see.

If you're dying wish is to murder an animal, then your death is not tragic; it's too late!! I'm sorry you have cancer, but leave the animals alone. What if I had cancer, and my dying wish was to shoot a kid who's dying wish is to shoot an animal? Where's my foundation? According to this article, the Make-A-Wish Foundation will no longer arrange for these hunting trips, because an animal rights activist got to them, which implies that they used to do it! WTF? I'm gonna start a foundation to help ill children with the unusual, and to some, alarming dreams that I personally approve of. My Manifesto will be coming out soon, and frankly, I can use a small army of kamikazi children to take out anyone (adults mostly) who get in my way.

My missing sisters (aka the war on girls)

2011-06-20T13:43:00.000-07:00

There's a new book out called

Unnatural Selection: Choosing Boys Over Girls, and the Consequences of a World Full of Men

by Mara Hvistendah.

In nature, 105 boys are born for every 100 girls. This ratio is biologically ironclad. Between 104 and 106 is the normal range, and that's as far as the natural window goes. Any other number is the result of unnatural events.

Yet today in India there are 112 boys born for every 100 girls. In China, the number is 121—though plenty of Chinese towns are over the 150 mark. China's and India's populations are mammoth enough that their outlying sex ratios have skewed the global average to a biologically impossible 107. But the imbalance is not only in Asia. Azerbaijan stands at 115, Georgia at 118 and Armenia at 120.

I think they are going to regret this later on. LIke on prom night!

PS on Halloween: Chihuahuahontus is wrong too!

2010-11-02T10:37:00.000-07:00

Hmm. Voting day is curiously close to Halloween.

2010-11-01T12:26:00.000-07:00

McDonalds is poisoning the children again

2010-06-04T13:51:00.000-07:00

McDonald's Recalls 12 million Shrek Glasses Due to Cadmium Levels

And guess what? These tainted goblets weren't made in China. They were made in NEW JERSEY.

THis is murder.

2010-06-04T13:39:00.000-07:00

A bird is mired in oil on the beach at East Grand Terre Island along the Louisiana coast on Thursday, June 3, 2010. Oil from the Deepwater Horizon has affected wildlife throughout the Gulf of Mexico. (AP Photo/Charlie Riedel)

Or maybe this BPs way of making more oil, by killing the animals and turning them into fossil fuel.

lead toys, poison catfood, and now stabbing 4-year-olds

2010-05-05T12:16:00.000-07:00

What the hell is happening in China? I used to think it was terrible that they were giving away the girls to be adopted in America, but now I think maybe the girls are the lucky ones. Or maybe this is what happens when you have too many men!

Chinese man stabs children in kindergarten, 31 hurt
Reuters
Thursday, April 29, 2010; 5:08 AM
BEIJING (Reuters) - A knife-wielding man injured 28 children, two teachers and a security guard in a kindergarten in eastern China, state media reported on Thursday, the fourth such stabbing case in recent weeks.
Xu Yuyuan, 47, an unemployed local man, broke into a classroom in Taixing city of eastern Jiangsu province on Thursday morning, attacking the children with a 20 cm long knife, the official Xinhua news agency said.
The injured children were all about four years old, and five are in critical condition, it added.

If there was any doubt about the need for a children's civil (or even just human) rights movement, it's gone. Of course, children have been murdered - usually by their parents - since Abraham and Isaac and even before that, but it's usually one by one. Now people (okay men mostly) are just going to where the children are corralled and killing as many as they can.

It happens in the United States too, but usually involves guns instead of knives, but I don't think we had 4 all in a row. I just hope this doesn't become China's newest export. I hope instead that they start making cheap Hello Kitty tazers for our little hands.

Linky link link

2010-05-01T11:09:00.000-07:00

my friend Angela complained that she couldn't link to individual posts, so I fixed it. Now you can go through all my archives and share all your favorite Ethel posts (to a billion different places)!!!!!!

Okay everyone, spread out.

Monkey Meatballs

2010-04-29T17:56:00.000-07:00

Two arrested over monkey meatballs
JAKARTA
Wed Apr 28, 2010 10:45am EDT

(Reuters) - Indonesian police have arrested a couple who made meatballs from the flesh of protected monkeys, an animal conservation group said on Wednesday.
The pair poached dozens of rare Javan langurs, also known as silver-leaf monkeys, from Baluran National Park in the east of Java island, according to a statement released by Indonesia-based animal protection group ProFauna.
"Police found 30 kilograms (65 pounds) meat estimated to come from 20 - 25 individuals, two rifles and a live langur," the statement said.
"The couple admitted that they had known what they did was against the law and they hunted the monkeys for their meat because beef and chicken were more expensive than the protected monkeys."
Meatball soup, known locally as bakso, is a popular dish in Indonesia.
The statement said police were now broadening their investigation to include checks on vendors suspected of selling the monkey meatballs, while ProFauna was in talks with the national park caretakers to prevent further poaching.

Indonesian law states that perpetrators of wildlife crimes face a maximum five year prison term and a fine of 5 million rupiah ($555), but the law is not always strictly enforced.

Of course the meat was cheaper than chicken and beef, because it's not for sale!!!!!!!!! Human meat is cheaper too. Why do you need meatballs in your soup? Monsters. Why can't people just eat matzoball soup instead of murderball soup.

Boycott Aryanzona

2010-04-29T10:33:00.001-07:00

Happy Earth Day - whatever

2010-04-22T16:35:00.001-07:00

My grandmother said that my grandfather went to the first earth day back in 1970 - so he could meet other women to have sex with. That seems pretty much in line with the Supreme Court who are celebrating this earth day by declaring open season on the animals - fuck em, stomp em, make them fight each other to death, and then film it and call it speech. I really hope that movie "Furry Vengeance" is a documentary.

I don't think I ever want to develop any sexuality. It seems like people get off on all kinds of things that involve pain for someone or something else and they say they can't control themselves (or sometimes that they shouldn't have to). Yesterday I was at a grocery store and a woman at the dead fish counter ordered Chilean Seabass. I told her not to because there are only like 8 of them left, and she said, "but it tastes so good." It tastes good????? What is wrong with people? I bet her liver would taste good too, but that doesn't mean we should kill and eat her...necessarily. I guess as long as we think that our desire to eat, fuck and wear things is a reason to do it, we should just forget earth day and wait for more unpronouncable volcanos to make us sit the fuck down and chill. And that's another thing. People are actually mad at Iceland for that. Lucky for Iceland it went bankrupt.

There's No Such Thing As Pedophilia

2010-04-15T16:18:00.000-07:00

The idiot Vatican is saying that it's only the homosexual priests who are pedophiles and then not even as much as regular people. Once again I have to point out WHAT ABOUT ALL THE GIRLS WHO GET MOLESTED BY PRIESTS???? DON"T THEY COUNT???? Okay, but besides that, there's NO SUCH THING AS PEDOPHILIA. It's just a made up disease to excuse bad behavior. People who rape adults aren't called adultaphiles. People who steal other people's stuff aren't call theftophiles. People who murder aren't called murdophiles.

We ALL want to do things that we can't do because it's illegal or it would hurt someone else. So mostly we don't do those things. And when we do, we're the asshole and not the victim! Wanting to do it is not a crime. It's not even abnormal (given how many children are preyed on by adults - mostly their own relatives (according to the FBI and my fellow girl scouts), so we should stop talking about it like it's some shameful disease and just admit that children are attractive to a LOT of people (mostly men), or maybe we're just smaller and can't get away as easily, or no one will believe us, or we're already stuck in your house, or it's easier to threaten to kill us if we talk and have us believe you.

But we have a right NOT to be groped and raped by jerks who care more about themselves than about us. Children who get raped don't always turn out so good, so if you can't control yourself for the sake of the children, then you better watch your back if you ever end up in prison (remember Father Geoghan?)

Meanwhile, stop calling it a disease and pretending people just need therapy . They need to be put somewhere where they don't have access to their chosen sex objects (though we prefer to think of ourselves as PEOPLE), or better yet - send them to me and my gang. We'll take care of the "illness" with a raging case of "beat-the-crap-out-of-you-philia."

Who's Afraid of Ethel?

2010-04-05T17:49:00.000-07:00

Apparently a lot of people. Idiots. In case you don't know what I'm talking about, there was some talk about me getting my own TV show. I even had some meetings, with bottled water. But apparently I am way too threatening to the establishment. Here's what a big agent said:

Most of the ‘edgier’ channels/buyers skew male, and won’t program a youthful female protagonist. And you're way too edgy for the female skewing buyers.

And this was an agent who LIKES me. Okay, so there can't be an Ethel show on channels that have shows like South Park or Family Guy or Simpsons because if there's a GIRL who's not just a side character then it's not "universal" and boys and men can't relate cause it must be just for girls. And the channels who make shows that are especially for girls don't want me because they're trying to sell thong underpants and makeup and easy bake ovens and they think that I would be encouraging girls NOT to buy those things -- which they're right about, even though I can think of some alternate uses for some of those things, like thong slingshots and easy bake chemistry experiments (product placement, right?). Anyway, what's a girl supposed to do? It's 2010 We're just gonna have to start our own networks - yeah right. It's hard not to be hating, but we must continue to battle on toward justice no matter how stupid and assholish the people in charge are. Plus if we weren't trying to change things we'd already be on the air.

FIght on my sisters (and good brothers).

The Pope is going to hell!

2010-04-04T17:25:00.000-07:00

The Vatican says that all the people whining about being raped by priests are just badmouthing the church. Oh, and happy Easter!!!!!!!!!

“Holy Father, the people of God are with you, and do not let themselves be impressed by the gossip of the moment, by the challenges that sometimes strike at the community of believers,” Cardinal Sodano said. Jesus spoke of courage in the face of tribulations, the cardinal continued, and referred to the apostle Peter’s account of Jesus during the passion: “When he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, threatened not, but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously.” (from the NY TImes on Easter Sunday)

What would Jesus do? I think he would break his own rule about turning the other cheek and kill the Pope. I'm kind of glad the Pope is still acting like an asshole, because then maybe people will finally realize that he's just the head of a big child-abuse ring. (Most people think it's just boys who are being molested, but it's girls too - it's just that that's considered normal, so no one even notices). The Pope was a Nazi, and his brother is some bigwhig in Germany and part of the scandal there, though he says he never molested anyone, just beat them sadistically -- oh, so much better.

Anyway, the pope is big fat turd and people should start admitting it and saying shame on you to the pope instead of to the people (like me) who don't show him the respect which he does NOT deserve to have, because when the archbishop of BELGIUM says you're wrong, you know you are REALLY a pervert.

Abraham and Isaac

2009-11-04T17:06:00.000-08:00

"Daddy loves you."

2009-11-04T16:14:00.000-08:00

These are my favorite versions of the bible stories. Finally a version that actually makes sense (and it's funny).

My First Hooker Halloween

2009-10-24T15:09:00.001-07:00

Halloween is for children. And I guess for dogs too, but I don't think they enjoy their costumes as much as we do. I used to love Halloween, it's the only day of the year our neighbors let us kids into their houses and then give us candy (and we don't even have to go in the back room with Mr. Dixon). And what isn't great about a holiday where we can wear/be whatever we want and eat as much free candy as we want? But now that I've reached puberty (well, I haven't but, but most of my classmates have), it's hooker everything: hooker nurse, hooker pirate, hooker vampire, hooker veterinarian, hooker supreme court judge. Only for the girls, though. The boys still have normal costumes, but everything for girls has high heels, mini skirt, boobs, underwear, like all we girls want to be is hookers.

This year I'm going to be a hooker, too. But a real one. I'll have a black eye and torn clothes, and an angry expression on my face, and I'll have a gun too, to kill any pimp or john who messes with me. In fact, I'm going to be Aileen Wournos, who was supposedly a serial killer, but really it was a spree killing. She was a prostitute who killed rapist/johns - seven of them. She got punched or raped one too many times. Then they executed her. A horrible tragedy. Cause she was not finished with her work.

France has children too

2009-09-30T17:47:00.000-07:00

Shock of shocks. Woody Allen came out in support of Roman Polanski. He thinks the only mistake Polanski made was not marrying the girl.

What is wrong with these people? I'm actually glad that people signed the petition to "free Polanski" cause now we know who supports child rape. Good to know.

here's a list of names:

Woody Allen

Wes Anderson
Darren Aronofsky
Jonatham Demme
Stephen Frears
David Lynch
Martin Scorsese

Full list: (it might have been quicker to name who didn’t sign the petition)

Fatih Akin, Stephane Allagnon, Woody Allen, Pedro Almodovar, Wes Anderson, Jean-Jacques Annaud, Alexandre Arcady, Fanny Ardant, Asia Argento, Darren Aronofsky, Olivier Assayas, Alexander Astruc, Gabriel Auer, Luc Barnier , Christophe Barratier, Xavier Beauvois , Liria Begeja , Gilles Behat, Jean-Jacques Beineix, Marco Bellochio, Monica Bellucci, Djamel Bennecib, Giuseppe Bertolucci , Patrick Bouchitey, Paul Boujenah, Jacques Bral, Patrick Braoudé, André Buytaers, Christian Carion, Henning Carlsen, Jean-michel Carre, Mathieu Celary, Patrice Chéreau, Elie Chouraqui, Souleymane Cissé, Alain Corneau, Jérôme Cornuau, Miguel Courtois, Dominique Crevecoeur, Alfonso Cuaron, Luc et Jean-Pierre Dardenne, Jonathan Demme, Alexandre Desplat, Rosalinde et Michel Deville, Georges Dybman, Jacques Fansten, Joël Farges, Gianluca Farinelli (Cinémathèque de de Bologne), Etienne Faure, Michel Ferry, Scott Foundas, Stephen Frears, Thierry Frémaux, Sam Gabarski, René Gainville, Tony Gatlif, Costa Gavras, Jean-Marc Ghanassia, Terry Gilliam, Christian Gion, Marc Guidoni, Buck Henry, David Heyman, Laurent Heynemann, Robert Hossein, Jean-Loup Hubert, Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, Gilles Jacob, Just Jaeckin, Alain Jessua, Pierre Jolivet, Kent Jones (World Cinema Foundation), Roger Kahane, Nelly Kaplan, Wong Kar Waï, Ladislas Kijno, Harmony Korinne, Jan Kounen, Diane Kurys, Emir Kusturica, John Landis, Claude Lanzmann, André Larquié, Vinciane Lecocq, Patrice Leconte, Claude Lelouch, Gérard Lenne, David Lynch, Michael Mann, François Margolin, Jean-PierreMarois, Tonie Marshall, Mario Martone, Nicolas Mauvernay, Radu Mihaileanu, Claude Miller, Mario Monicelli, Jeanne Moreau, Sandra Nicolier, Michel Ocelot, Alexander Payne, Richard Pena (Directeur Festival de NY), Michele Placido, Philippe Radault, Jean-Paul Rappeneau, Raphael Rebibo, Yasmina Reza, Jacques Richard, Laurence Roulet, Walter Salles, Jean-Paul Salomé, Marc Sandberg, Jerry Schatzberg, Julian Schnabel, Barbet Schroeder, Ettore Scola, Martin Scorsese, Charlotte Silvera, Abderrahmane Sissako, Paolo Sorrentino, Guillaume Stirn, Tilda Swinton, Jean-Charles Tacchella, Radovan Tadic, Danis Tanovic, Bertrand Tavernier, Cécile Telerman, Alain Terzian, Pascal Thomas, Giuseppe Tornatore, Serge Toubiana, Nadine Trintignant, Tom Tykwer, Alexandre Tylski, Betrand Van Effenterre, Wim Wenders.

EDIT: new names

Isabelle Adjani
Antoine Aronin
Paul Auster
Morgane Beauverger
Candice Belaisch-Goldchmit
Yamina Benguigui
Pascal Bruckner
Jessika Cohen
Philippe Corbé
Jean-Paul Dayan
Katarina De Meulder
Arielle Dombasle
Nathalie Faucheux
Corinne Figuet
Pierre Forciniti
Louis Garrel
Albert Gauvin
Johanna Gozlan
Davide Homitsu Riboli
Taylor Hackford
Isabelle Huppert
Neil Jordan
Thierry Kamami
Milan Kundera
Gaelle Lancien
Claude Lanzmann
Bernard-Henri Lévy
Sam Mendes
Camille Meyer
Patrick Mimouni
Yann Moix
Mike Nichols
Sandra Nicolier
Marie Nieves Perez Neël
Salman Rushdie
Carine Sarna
Ysabelle Saura Del Pan
William Shawcross
Olivier Soares Barbosa
Steven Soderbergh
Nil Symchowicz
Danièle Thompson
Eugenia Varela Navarro
Diane von Furstenberg
Scott Foundas
Margaret Walker
Elsa Zylberstein

and yay for French director Luc Besson who disagreed.

and by the way. Does everyone think that the one he got convicted of raping is the only girl he ever raped?

Bride Expo Exposed!

2009-08-19T13:17:00.000-07:00

NOTICE!!! Two upcoming bride expos demand massive protest and actions to save these women. I can't believe they are advertising for this. How dare they just sell women like that right out in the open like it's okay? Just because you call her a bride doesn't make it not selling women, and these poor women probably came here thinking they were going to work as waitresses or in a factory. Traffiking is trafficking and it's wrong - no matter how much cake and lace you put on it (and I DO love cake). DON'T let this offense to women and girls everywhere go unanswered. We will be gathering at the dates and places listed below. If you don't want to get arrested you can peacefully protest (in the doorways - as thickly as possible). If you are underage, like me, then you don't have to worry about your permanent record--meet us at 9am on the 23rd in front of the Jaws ride. The liberation of enslaved people is never wrong - that's Ethel's Law!

Next week there's one in Los Angeles, and in October in Orange County (details are below - so be sure to come if you're anywhere close). But they have these bride expos everywhere, so plan to go to the local one if you can't make the ones here.

Universal Hilton Bridal Show
555 Universal Hollywood Drive-Universal City 91608
Sunday August 23rd from 11am-4pm
Hyatt Regency Irvine Show
17900 Jamboree Road - Irvine, CA 92614
Sunday October 4th 11am-4pm

Current Events

2009-02-03T14:59:00.000-08:00

If you're flying a plane, don't hit the birds.

Just because you lose your job and don't have money is not a reason to kill all of your children.

If Michael Phelps has to apologize for smoking pot, then the rest of us should have to apologize for NOT winning 8 gold medals.

When Ashleigh said she wanted to be a cosmetologist, Angela, who wants to be a lawyer, said "that should be your second choice."

If cows have to have babies to make all that milk, what happens to all those babies?

Does the kind of shoe you throw at a politician matter? Which makes a better statement, a child's shoe or a cowboy boot with spurs?

First Bush and his party had a giant party and trashed the country, and now they won't vote for the stimulation package so ALL children are going to be left behind. It's not all bad though, cause us children in Orange County finally know what it's like to have a snow day.

The Sadly Effect

2008-11-05T18:20:00.000-08:00

For the first time in my life, I'm not totally horrifed to hear that country song "I’m proud to be an American." But I’m NOT proud to be a Californian. What kind of bullshit is that? Black is okay now, but fuck the gays? I guess they’re just afraid of the millions of Mexican lesbians who are going to come here for green cards.

I’m really happy that Obama won and that he crushed his nasty old opponent and his horrible mate. And I really hope that our democracy gets restored so I can vote when I'm old enough. I did get to vote in the mock election at our school (the Ronald Reagan Elementary School). Obama won, but there were a lot of idiots who voted for McCain cuase they said Sarah Palin was a hottie and they didn't want us all to have to be communists. I'm starting to think that maybe they are right to not believe in evolution because clearly they are not participating!

By the way, I don't know if I'm gay or not yet, but I'd like to have that option, thank you very much. And I know for sure that I oppose traditional marriage: that's where the husband's in charge and gets to make all the decisions and beat his wife and children and fart as loud as he wants to without saying excuse me.

Some new bumper stickers

2008-08-20T16:43:00.000-07:00

Batman is a dickflick

2008-07-28T14:22:00.000-07:00

Ok, before I talk about the movie I just want to point out something I noticed in the paper. there were two big ads next to each other. One for Batman and one for Mamma Mia. They both listed their stars like all movie ads and posters do. Batman had 6 men and one woman, and the picture showed only men. Mama Mia listed 4 men and 4 women and had a picture with all of them. The one with half women and half men is considered a chick flick, and the one that has 6 times as many men as women is considered to be for everyone. Just a normal human movie. What the fuck?

Beyond Abu Ghraib: Soldiers Playing Doctor with Actual PIGS!!

2008-07-19T17:14:00.000-07:00

I'm not dead, i was just gone for a long time, for a few reasons, most of which I cannot go into now or I will lose the "privilege" to do my blog again.

The military wants to shoot pigs with automatic rifles and then practice treating the wounds. If they're being attacked by the pigs so that they need to shoot them, then why do they want to learn how to fix the pigs? Seems to me if they don't want to have to worry about treating soldiers with big gun holes, then they should bring them back home and leave the pigs alone.

By the way, when they're done with shooting and playing doctor with the pigs, do they eat them or just throw them away? People give me crap for not thinking that humans are superior to all the other animals, but humans are the only animal I know of that shoot other animals and then practice fixing the holes.

Pet Mart

2008-02-04T09:52:00.000-08:00

Okay, a couple of days ago I heard that there were two explosions at pet markets in Iraq, which is totally heartbreaking. As far as I can tell the animals aren't members of any tribe and have a hard enough life to begin with. Plus I think most of the people at the pet markets are nice animal-loving people (except for the few who are really getting them to eat). But THEN I heard the bombers were women and I was even more sad because I expect women to behave better. Women blowing up animals? that just ruins my whole way of seeing the world. But THEN I found out that it was really retarded (Down's Syndrome) women who didn't even know they were bombers: some men strapped the bombs on them and told them to go pet the animals. My world view was restored, but it is so horrible I don't know what to do. I love animals so much that if someone gave me a heavy vest and said I could go pet the kitties, I would. What is wrong with these men? And why doesn't anyone call it what it is? which is just old-fashioned male culture- which seems to be about terrorizing women and children and animals and smaller men.

That night I was trying to feel better and we rented Ratatouille, and that helped not at ALL! Because in the whole movie there was only one female character (except for the old lady with the shot gun at the beginning). Even the rats were all male. How do you have a whole colony of rats and they're all boys? Who gave birth to them all? or did they just kill off all the females before filming started (I know it's animated). Have the rats gone all Taliban? Even animation, where you can make up whatever world you want is the same old boy, boy, boy. The BEE Movie? That was all about boys too. I got news for you. Bee colonies are almost entirely female. Drones are females. There is no Jerry Seinfeld bee in real life. And me and my friends are totally sick of it. How come we're expected to watch and enjoy (and then ask for the related toys) all the shows that are about boys and boy characters, but if there's a girl character then only girls are expected to watch? Next thing you know they'll be strapping a vest full of bottle rockets and roman candles to a retarded girl and telling her to go play with the dolls in the American Girl store.

Someday I'm gonna make an animated movie, and it's going to be MY fantasy. I promise you THAT will be explosive.

Phil and Ike up a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G

2007-12-26T10:02:00.000-08:00

Music mogul PHIL SPECTOR has hit out at OPRAH WINFREY and WHOOPI GOLDBERG for "demonising" his friend IKE TURNER on their talkshows. Spector used the musician's funeral on Friday (21Dec07) to voice his anger at the U.S. TV stars - as well as others who have criticised him over the years. He went on to say that Ike - whose musical career was overshadowed by his image as the drug-addicted, brutally abusive former husband of Tina Turner - was "demonised and vilified" by his ex-wife.

Um, Mr. Spector, if you kill a woman at your house you don't get to criticise people for criticising your wifebeater friend. You idiot!!

Play-Date-Rape Drug

2007-11-14T11:33:00.000-08:00

Aqua Dot beads turn into roofies when you eat them. How did they figure that out? Now not only do we have to avoid small parts, but if the strange man offers us toys instead of candy, we could be in big trouble, cause apparently children will eat anything, even if it doesn't have the delicious taste of lead. But I guess they had to put the roofies in the toys because it's hard to get kids to drink beer or grain alcohol.

There's a lot of kids in our school who's houses are for sale or got repo'd by the bank and a lot of kids have been told that they shouldn't expect much from Santa this year. But maybe that's good because the worse the country does then the less toys from China we can buy. Of course we can't afford food so well either, and that might lead to more bead snacks.

HELP!!! -- FEMA's coming!

2007-10-23T18:52:00.000-07:00

And Bush is coming - like we don't have enough trouble. We can't afford to have any of our fire or police worrying about his sorry ass. And now in addition to the hellfire and raining ash, they're sending FEMA, which as far as I know still hasn't taken care of Katrina, which was more than two years ago, but then again this is Orange County, and we have mostly white people and a lot of Republicans. School is out, so the childrens are not learnings for the tests, so I'm sure we'll have to have a lecture about that. But since our developing lungs are breathing toxic air, and our health insurance got vetoed, we are urging all children who can get out of the shelters to meet him with a bandana around your face and rage in your heart.

There is one piece of good news. The Governor called for the National Guard and the only ones they could find were guarding the Mexican border, so now we'll be able to get someone to harvest whatever food survives the fires.

Giving Turkeys A Bad Name

2007-10-12T12:30:00.000-07:00

We got sent home early today because there was a fight between a Turkish boy and an Armenian boy. The Armenian boy said it was a genocide, and the Turkish boy said it wasn't and how dare he say that. Of course, the slaughter of the Armenians by the Turks happened over 90 years ago, so I don't think any of the killers are still alive. I can't understand what the problem is. Maybe Congress should pass a substitute resolution that says "we condemn the mass murder of the Armenians that LOOKS like a genocide, but isn't one," and that way we can keep flying our troops out of their airbases so we can go kill a different group of people. Then the children can stop fighting and we can get back to learning important things, like history.

A Haunting Spectre-or

2007-10-09T13:39:00.000-07:00

I'm glad that he hasn't gone totally free and that at least 10 of the 12 jurors were not engineers, but I'm worried about the next round. Even though there aren't that many lawyers left who haven't defended him yet, and probably no intelligent hearing seeing person who knows nothing of the case, I'm sure they will buy the same "expert" witnesses, who just happen to always testify for the defense.

But mostly I'm surprised that they haven't charged Lana Clarkson with damaging Spector's reputation and messing up his floors.

Men Behaving Badly

2007-10-09T12:50:00.000-07:00

I know I try to keep the blog humorous, but this is an emergency!!! There's a femicide going on right now in Congo. Of course, there's a femicide going on everywhere, but it's more pronounced and obvious right now in the Congo, so please get on it. They are raping women and girls and babies - sometimes to death, and we have to help UNICEF and VDAY stop it. Please go to the VDay site and do what you can. Thanks friends.

Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader?

2007-10-02T19:18:00.001-07:00

Well I am a fifth grader, so I guess that means I can't play because I can only be exactly as smart as a 5th grader. But I seriously think they should change it to "Are you smarter than the President?" First of all more people could win, and that means they'll have more money to buy things and that will help the economy and defeat the "terrrists." But also, maybe people would realize that most of them are smarter than the president and then maybe they would realize that he SHOULDN'T BE RUNNING THINGS!

Clarence Uncle Thomas

2007-10-02T18:16:00.000-07:00

"Injustice" Clarence Thomas' new book came out yesterday called "My Grandfather's Son," and it's not a tribute to his father, it's a tribute to himself! Does he mean that his grandfather "begat" him with his own daughter? If so, that would explain some things. But I don't understand why the book wasn't called "If I Did It." I guess that was taken.

Kanye Didn't Go Far Enough

2007-09-29T11:06:00.000-07:00

"President" Bush doesn't care about children either (even the white ones). He plans to veto the bill that would give health care to more children. But ALL senior citizens have govt. covered health care. How does Bush think they're gonna pay for the senior citizens (aka voters) if the children are too sick to work? But I guess then just the fittest will survive and then we'll get healthy slaves from other countries (aka illegal immigrants or sometimes actual real slaves) to make up the difference.

Why is he still in charge? And why are we supposed to respect our elders again?

Kid Nation

2007-09-27T12:37:00.000-07:00

"40 Kids, no Adults" -- yeah except for the ones with the cameras. And I'm pretty sure it wasn't a kid who wrote the contract the kids parents signed that gave away their rights to sue the network and the show's producers if their child died, was severely injured, or contracted a sexually transmitted disease during the program's taping. They also gave CBS the right to "search the minor's person and the Minor's belongings (including, without limitation, by x-ray or similar device)." Additionally, the agreement notes, "Kid Nation" participants "will have no privacy," except when they are in the bathroom. Provided, of course, that the child is actually "in the process of showering, bathing, urinating, or defecating." (how would they know that?)

Yes. I'm sure this is how children would set things up if they were really running things.

As for the show, I would put Emilie in charge, and I'm worried about Greg, who already had a lot of experience butchering (why?!?!) and then killed the chickens "for the other kids" who wanted "fresh meat" and then they didn't give him the gold star. By the way, both of them are from Nevada, so it's not a geographical thing.

I feel gross watching it and promise not to buy any of the products that advertise, but I don't think that'll be too hard. I don't know who the target audience is, but they had an ad for Vagisil. I know it's dry in the desert, but...

the Scared and the Profane

2007-09-25T19:18:00.000-07:00

A man wrote a comment today about my "Support our Sister" blog entry saying that if I'm in 5th grade then I "need to learn to write/speak without using profanity." Who the fuck is he to tell me that? Oh, it's okay to swear if you're an adult but not if you're ten? Is that another one of those privileges you only get if you're big? He also said in his comment "before you ask, yes I have taken a human life." Uh, I wasn't going to ask because it never occurred to me. Still, I'm glad that whoever JR is he (or she maybe?) wrote to me and is reading my blog.

I was glad to hear today that Warren Jeffs was found of guilty of forcing a 14 year old girl to marry an adult and get raped by him. It's lucky that it wasn't an LA jury.

Supercunt

2007-09-17T16:29:00.000-07:00

Frances and I went to see the Brave One this weekend. The lead character, Erica Baines, gets an Aileen Wuornos Environmental Clean-Up Award, though unlike Aileen Wuornos, she doesn't get killed in th end, and I think maybe she retires. Still she does some good work. In my favorite scene a bad man calls her a Supercunt and then when she tells him do something and he says, "what if I don't" and she says "Then I'll be the last Supercunt you'll ever see." Then after that every time she did some "clean-up" I shouted "GO SUPERCUNT," which thrilled me and Frances and freaked out all the nice Orange County people at the theatre. (We live in Orange County - so that was pretty much everyone in there.) Now I want to get T-shirts made that say "Supercunt", though I'm pretty sure that we'd get sent home from school. But next time someone calls me a cunt I'll say, "No, that's SUPERcunt, thank you very much."

Rush To Judgement

2007-09-17T13:03:00.000-07:00

Just because OJ Simpson beat his ex-wife and "if he did it" slaughtered her and her friend, doesn't mean he is also guilty of armed robbery. I mean just cause someone would maim and kill doesn't make him a thief. And there are lots of thieves who would never hurt anyone, and I'm sure they don't consider him one of them. So we shouldn't assume that he did it.

I just hope he wasn't wearing gloves.

Okay Girls, Get Ready

2007-09-08T11:09:00.000-07:00

The trial of Phil Spector is over, and the jury is debilitating. OJ and Robert Blake went free, and if Phil Spector goes free then it's time to take to the streets. Prepare. Only a full scale rebellion will make it clear we will no longer tolerate the murder of our sisters. It will be hard for us to burn down our own neighborhoods, because we don't really have any - we've been dispersed and separated, but there are more of us than there are of them and if we stop accepting the way things are, then they're not the way things are anymore, you know what I mean? I can't say here what specifically I have in mind, but I know you have earned your creativity badges and are ready.

This is probably just an exercise in emergency preparedness, because Phil Spector is way too ugly to get away with it, but you never know. Grosser people have gotten away with murder and other things...

Quit eating the dolls you idiots

2007-09-05T13:34:00.001-07:00

Today Mattel announced a third toy recall, mostly involving Barbie toys. I know babies like to put everything in their mouths, but what babies are playing with Barbies? Of course it's probably their older brothers and sisters who are trying to kill them with the lead pieces, but trust me, if they want to kill them or make them eat gross things, they don't need lead painted toys to do it.

AMERICAN GIRL DOLL ACTION

2007-08-28T10:26:00.000-07:00

My troop came across a cache of "American Girl" Molly dolls. I can't tell you the details, but suffice it to say, we have a few hundred of these pricey dolls that just came our way. To earn our charity badge, we have set up a program to donate the dolls to our unfortunate sisters whose parents have been having a boycott of all "American Girl" dolls for the last two years, because the company made a donation to Girls Inc., which does a lot of good things for girls, including helping with self esteem and education, and because it believes in girls' rights, it also supports our rights to our bodies, and the (supposedly) Christian wrong thinks they should not have that control.

Mind you I would never buy one of the dolls, because they cost like $90 and I hate dolls anyway, I would always choose a stuffed animal (or better yet, a real one - but I would never buy it, I would always only rescue one), but there are girls who like them, and why should their rights to their dolls be denied or abridged because of their parents idiocy and prejudice, and determination to take away their own daughters rights?

SO, if you are one of these girls, please write to us through the blog, and we will arrange to get you one of these naughty dolls (in a plain brown wrapper - send to a safe location) and you and the other girls in your church can have secret meetings to play with your dolls and whatever else deprived people might do in secret (hint, hint)...

Some Bumper Stickers I Saw and Liked

2007-08-17T13:32:00.000-07:00

Is It Safe?

2007-08-15T09:52:00.000-07:00

Mattell has recalled a lot of toys, and of course they are blaming the Chinese for using the yummy lead paint and tiny magnets. I thought these toys were dangerous enough all on their own. Look at them. What is wrong with these pictures? Batman is an S/M steroid freak. And Barbie's an anorexic, plastic surgery addict. At least Barbie got a service dog to help her walk because her feet are permanently high-heeled, and she cant' stand up on her own. (By the way, the dog eats and poops - the food and the poop are the same pellet, which is pretty accurate, because our dog eats cat poop - right out of the litter box - we call it 'almond rocca.')

Who's Ashamed of Hello Kitty?

2007-08-09T13:39:00.000-07:00

Thai cops punished by Hello Kitty

The armband is designed to shame the person wearing it

Police chiefs in the Thai capital, Bangkok, have come up with a new way of punishing officers who break the rules - an eye-catching Hello Kitty armband.

In the interest of full disclosure I have to say that I'm a big fan of Hello Kitty: I have a Chococat wallet and some tiny hello kitty temporary tattoos. I find nothing shameful about it. I would proudly wear a Hello Kitty armband, although I think the hearts look pretty stupid. But why don't they just make them wear an armband that says "girl" on it, or pink underpants on their heads? Why is everything girl so shameful to men? I hope Hello Kitty retaliates and starts wearing a blue armband with a little Thai cop on it.
---Ethel

Support our Sister

2007-08-01T14:33:00.000-07:00

Elizabeth Township girl charged in dad's killing

Police are silent, but neighbors say teen was victim of sexual, physical abuse for several years

Tuesday, July 31, 2007
By Torsten Ove and Jim McKinnon, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

A 13-year-old girl fatally shot her father in the face with a shotgun early yesterday morning as he slept in their Elizabeth Township home, according to police.

Rachel Booth was held without bond last night in the Allegheny County Jail, charged as an adult with homicide in the death of Matthew J. Booth, 34. She faces a preliminary hearing Friday.
In an affidavit supporting the arrest, Allegheny County police did not reveal a motive.
Detectives said only that the girl acknowledged that she killed Mr. Booth with his 12-gauge shotgun at 2:21 a.m. on the first floor of 5802 Pitt St., where Mr. Booth lived with the girl and her 14-year-old brother, Matthew Booth Jr.
But a close neighbor said the girl told her that Mr. Booth had sexually and physically abused her since she was 7. [there's more, but you should just look it up]

Well let me be the first to say that this type of self-defense is a trend I'd like to see pick up. Of course they want to charge her as an adult for homocide because we can't have the children defending themselves like that (never mind that it was HIS gun). But if this scares at least one abuser, then that's awesome, and of course that guy will not be hurting anyone anymore. I'm sure a lot of people will be shocked, but I wonder why it doesn't happen more often. Hey, at least she killed her abuser and nota bunch of schoolmates. For that she gets the Aileen Wuornos award for environmental clean up.

If there's anything I can do. I stand ready with the Girl Scouts to help a sister in need.

Sincerely,

Ethel

Vick needs a vapor rub

2007-07-20T10:42:00.000-07:00

Mr. Vick,
What is wrong with you? how can you do that to animals? I guess you like an adrenaline rush from angry animals trying to kill each other, but isn't that what the NFL is for? You are that animal, you idiot. If you're ever allowed to play again, you should play for no money, with no padding, and have to live in a little cage and eat Alpo. I think the point of "Gladiator" is that it is wrong to do that to people. Dogs are just like people, only mostly nicer. We're supposed to take care of them, not torture them and execute them. I think we should throw you to the dogs.

Can't Get 'em Young Enough

2007-06-18T16:04:00.000-07:00

Police smash global pedophile ring

LONDON - British police, with aid from U.S. investigators, have shattered a global Internet pedophile ring, rescuing 31 children and rounding up more than 700 suspects worldwide, authorities said Monday.

Some 200 suspects are based in Britain, said the Child Exploitation and Online Protection Center, a government agency. Of the 31 children, some only a few months old, more than 15 were in Britain, the center said.

I couldn't help noticing that some of the rescued children were only a few months old. What is wrong with these people? Why can't they wait until they're six years old, like normal people!

Today's Heroine

2007-06-18T15:54:00.000-07:00

This is a Canadian girl addressing the United Nations Environmental Summit in Brazil (the one that Bush didn't bother to attend or send anyone on The USA's behalf). I hope she grows up to be President of her country: click here. Her group is called Environmental Children's Organization (ECO)

I'd like to do some honor killing

2007-05-19T09:24:00.000-07:00

A 17 year old girl was beaten and stoned to death by her family and other people in Iraq - to protect the honor of her family? I'm so glad we "liberated" the Iraqis so that they can create honor by murdering girls and women. It's 2007. What is wrong with these people? (If America really wants to help they should offer to adopt all the women (and children) in the Middle East who want to come here.) They say they had to kill her because her falling in love with a man who wasn't the 100-year-old uncle she was probably promised to brought shame on them. Oh, I see, but you don't feel shame for KILLING HER?

I'm drawing up my "honor roll" right now, and you better believe I'm going to be getting rid of a lot of shame.

Selling babies on ebay

2007-05-15T20:56:00.000-07:00

People give us baby dolls when we're little girls, but me and my friends prefer stuffed animals. Baby dolls are for older kids to learn in parenting class how hard it is to take care of a baby and maybe not have them when they're in high school. I found this on ebay:

Yes! They are selling baby fuck dolls now. And don't say I'm sick because it's just a baby doll for a lonely person or a really rich kid (it's over $500!), because any thing that says "This is a private listing. Your identity will not be disclosed to anyone but the seller," is not some innocent toy. How is this even legal? Why do you want to buy a fake baby that's "anatomically correct?"

I hope it's a trap and the seller is some kind of sting operation, and the buyers end up in prison being treated like that baby doll.

			RebornNEW CELINE E.Wosnjuk ANATOMICALLY CORRECT Boy BABYFACE BUNDLES~LIFELIKE~True-2-Size Newborn Baby ELI	Item number: 330118735703

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The New Daddy Dearest Doll

2007-05-12T12:25:00.000-07:00

this is from Gallery of the Absurd:

Another poor alcoholic (NOT)

2007-05-09T20:47:00.000-07:00

Here's a headline I just read:

HBO Chief Takes Leave of Absence to Sort Out Sobriety.

Apparently him beating his girlfriend (and a few other ones before that HBO had to pay off) was just some sort of weird side effect of alcohol. That's what they should teach us in our anti-drug classes: that the evils of alcohol include: anti-semitism, having sex with children, calling people niggers, and beating up and/or choking your girlfriend, and then they should have Mel Gibson, Mark Foley, Michael Richards, and Chris Albrecht come to our schools and tell us that we shouldn't drink or we'll be just like them. It's amazing what alcohol can do. It must be a very powerful drug to make these otherwise nice men do these terrible things.

I think Betty Ford should tell everybody that these men are full of crap and might be alcoholics, but are also criminals and jerks and are giving alcoholics a bad name and they should stop it. Alcoholism might be a disease, but that's not what these men have - they have the disease of being allowed to do whatever they want because they're rich and powerful and white and male, and then they each got caught on tape (or email, or police report, or whatever). I guess that's one good thing about all the videophones and cameras and internets is that you can't keep secrets as much as you used to. Na na na na na.

PS. Me and Frances drank a whole bottle of concord grape wine and we didn't do any of those things. We just laughed a lot and danced and threw up.

Self-Determination for Ireland

2007-05-08T12:53:00.000-07:00

Someone wrote a comment saying that not all fathers are like Alec, and I believe that is true (but the ones in the "father's rights" movement pretty much are. And that's totally beside the point, because there shouldn't be ANY abusive fathers, and there are a lot and they're allowed - it says so in the bible.) And then the commenter, like so many other people, and especially Alec said that Kim is at fault too because she released the recording and was just trying to attack Alec - using their daughter as a weapon.

Has it occurred to NO ONE that Ireland might have leaked the recording? It was her phone after all, and she had a lot to gain by releasing it: making the world understand why she doesn't want to answer her phone and to get the court to see that HE is alienating her himself, and that she deserves protection from him, not to be served up to him on a legal platter!

I'm not saying she did it, cause I don't know her yet, but if it was on MY phone, I would've released it.

Ethel's Restaurant

2007-05-08T07:34:00.000-07:00

I want to open a restuarant the serves only child-rapists and sociopaths. No other meat will be on the menu. There'll be some salads and other vegetables and LOTS of desserts, but if you want meat, it will be Bundy Burgers or Ramsey ribs or BTK BLTs.

Bush calls Queen a Mother

2007-05-07T20:19:00.000-07:00

"President" Bush said that the queen is hundreds of years old and when he realized his mistake said, "She gave me a look that only a mother could give a child." Yeah, a mother who is thinking she forgot to drown one. What an idiot. First he said she was a million years old and they he called her a mother. Maybe she could take him home with her and teach him some manners. And then keep him!

"Gentlemen's" Clubs

2007-05-07T11:03:00.000-07:00

There are a lot of billboards on the way to my school that advertise Gentlemen's clubs. They all have pictures of women who are dressed up like prostitutes and look like they are on roofies. I don't think these men are gentlemen, but I guess gentleman really means a man who likes to pay for women to service him. I want to rescue all those women, and I can't believe the signs are right out in the public. If there was a sign for "White People's Club" (I guess they'd be called Purity Clubs or something like that) that featured a black man with his head bowed carrying a tray (or looking like he'd been roofied), I think people might notice that there was something really wrong. Why is okay for one group of people (who happen to inhabit almost all the positions of power - and who make almost all the money - and who are the biggest) to have clubs where the other class has to be their slaves (a sex slave is a slave - you idiots)? Why aren't those billboards on fire? Why aren't the police (I mean when they're not being "gentlemen") raiding those places? Why do I even have to write this? What the hell is going on?

Oh, and most of these "clubs" also advertise steaks. I guess cause when you're consuming women (who were already abused by gentlemen (often called a 'family man') when they were children and have big drug habits to feed), you want to eat the flesh of another oppressed group that someone (clearly NOT a gentlemen) murdered so you can be gentlemen together.

Forget the billboards, why aren't the clubs on fire?

Fathers' Wrongs Children's Rights

2007-04-27T10:08:00.000-07:00

Oh, poor Alec Baldwin. Men have it so tough. They are so oppressed they have to start a father's rights movement. They should tell the truth and call it "father's Wrongs". If your kid does not want to be with you, then you did something wrong. Kids don't listen to their mothers, so how can you think that "she" is the devil that made your kids hate you? You don't even want your kids, you just don't want to have to pay child support. Or maybe you just want your kid around so you can straighten their asses out as much as you want. Or do whatever else you want with their asses, cause you think we are your property.

Children are not yours to wear, eat or experiment on. Why don't you fight for children's rights. Then you would be a father who's worthy of your children. Meanwhile, you can whine all you want to Barbara Walters, but you are still a big bully asshole baby and now we all know it.

Liberation for Ireland

2007-04-25T11:19:00.000-07:00

"Rotten little pig" Ireland Baldwin's father is an idiot and would not get a parenting license from me, and I think I should get to decide who gets one (and there would be a LOT of denied applications). If you say "I'm gonna straighten your ass out," to anyone but a family member, it is assault. Of course he is a giant man and she is a small child, so it's not only criminal, it's creepy. I've heard crazier more violent abusive people aplenty, but something is wrong with an adult who thinks a child of humiliated him. What is wrong with you? You're supposed to be the adult - go to therapy and accept that it's probaby YOU who is "alienating" Ireland. You IDIOT.

At least one of the Commandments is propaganda

2007-04-23T09:58:00.000-07:00

Parents are bigger than childen (for a while anyway), and they have all the rights to control them. This is a dangerous situation because it means that you have to get lucky and get a nice parent or you're f'ed. We're all supposed to listen to and obey the 'fathers'. That's what all the religions say, that's what most parents say, and that's what George Bush wants us to do (with him as the father) and that's what the Supreme Court wants us to do. Most of them don't want to have to beat us to make us do what they want. They prefer if we just do it because "they said so." And this has been true for thousands of years, at least since the ten commandments, which had to include "honor thy father," because if you didn't say it it wouldn't be obvious because he clearly doesn't deserve it. Maybe there were some men who were good and wise and people just did honor and respect them and follow their advice, but most of them had to rely on "God" telling everyone to listen to them, and if they didn't they'd go to hell and burn forever in excruciating pain.

I know it's tempting to use your bigger size and power to control other people (I do have a younger brother - and I admit to wanting to control him - and using all my advantages to do it - actually he'd tell you all about it, but I have disabled his blog), but a lot of parents one day want their children to take care of them, and they should be nice to them or they'll end up in a really bad nursing home.

McBeefy Dreams

2007-04-23T09:47:00.000-07:00

I had a dream last night. Cho was talking to me. I made him put down the guns and then I would listen. He said “what the fuck? Could I have possibly have been any clearer? I wrote TWO plays about children being raped and the adults getting away with it and squashing the children. I said in my note to NBC that this was for the all the kids who were being fucked. And then I shot a LOT of people to make sure the message got out, and still they can’t imagine what went wrong. Do they think I was upset cause I didn’t get that puppy when I was six? What the hell? If I was alive now, I’d REALLY be frustrated. I thought I was a martyr for the cause, but I guess it’s going to take an army of children rising up and shooting fuckers for people to understand that you can’t keep fucking the kids and think you’re going to get away with it forever.”

Then I told Cho that he was an idiot and he should’ve just killed perpetrators and then it might’ve been clearer (and a better thing to do, though he still would’ve been punished – like Aileen Wournos). He said it was everyone’s fault cause they all went along with it and acted like everything was just fine. I disagreed and he aimed his gun at me. I roundhouse kicked his hand and the gun went flying. I have a yellow belt in tae kwon do. He got mad because it’s a Korean martial art and he didn’t think I should be able to use it on him because I’m not Korean and I don’t eat kimchi. It wasn’t a good kick, but I had the element of surprise, plus the fact that it was my dream. Then I took his guns away and told him he couldn’t shoot anyone else cause he was dead, and that if the FBI statistics are right then he probably shot like ten other people who had been sexually abused as children. Then he said “I don’t know what you’re talking about, I was never abused.” And I said “what do you mean? You wrote all about it.” And he said, “yeah, but those were just words, I have no memory of being raped as a kid – in fact I don’t remember anything at all before age ten.”

Then i woke up.

Women are canaries

2007-04-17T20:21:00.000-07:00

Why is everyone so shocked by the Va Tech shooting? Some people are angry that he wasn't stopped before he went to the classrooms. And they should be. Before killing the 30 people in the classrooms, he was ONLY involved in stalking two women and then killing two people in what they were (and are still) calling a DOMESTIC incident (as opposed to MURDER). Why do people think that "people" who only stalk and/or kill women are not dangers to public safety? Aren't women part of the public? First they kill small animals, then women, and then they go for the real people. So watch out!

Also, I read the shooter's play called "Richard McBeef". Hmm, I wonder if he was sexually abused. Hello?! People really need to stop fucking the children.

Over there

2007-04-17T11:50:00.000-07:00

"President" Bush is going to Virginia Tech today. I guess some murders do register with him (at least politically). I expect he'll suggest that we have to make sure that massive school shootings happen over there (Iraq) so we don't have to have them here.

Yet another one

2007-04-16T11:20:00.000-07:00

The shooter at the Virginia Tech massacre was a man. Can you believe that?

Yet another man, who killed a girl - he started out killing out his ex-girlfriend (gee, can't imagine why she'd want to break up with him) - and then killed another 20 or so just cause. I guess Virginia's not for lovers any more.

"President" Bush said "schools should be places of safety, sanctuary and learning," and that people feel violated after an incident like this. I guess the Iraqis should just say that all their markets and cities and towns and houses are "schools."

Who put the rat poison in the cat food?

2007-03-26T14:15:00.000-07:00

Not to mention who put the rat poison in the RAT food? Why are we still killing things? Thanks to globalization, now killing on a worldwide scale is much easier. People who eat cats (and dogs) better beware, or they'll be eating the rat poison too.

For the first (and only) time I'm glad my father was too cheap to buy the wet food. Plus he thinks wheat gluten is a communist plot, and he hopes all the hippies and liberals die from their fake meat. It's too bad that MenuFoods doesn't cater for the White House, cause I'd like to see a little shake up in the food-chain-of-command.

PS on the IKEA story

2007-03-14T09:15:00.000-07:00

I went with my father to return the same rug and they took it back no questions asked, full refund, and didn't "take it in the back to inspect it". Hmmm. Still no cinnamon bun. Dad said mom would smell it.

more on the missing women

2007-03-08T16:12:00.000-08:00

Okay, I found something in wikipedia under the subject of "sex ratio". It seems that unlike China and India where the girls are missing because of infanticide or sex-selected abortions, in the arab countries there is a normal male female ratio from birth to age 15, but after age 15 suddenly there is HUGE drop off of women, suggesting that they are being killed (or maybe just not fed).

Today is International Women's Day. Could you please wait til tomorrow to stone your wives and daughters? Honor killing? I'd like to engage in a little honor killing to protect my sisters who had the misfortune to be born into male supremacist dictatorships. I'm going to start selling chocolate bars to raise money to arm the women and girls of those countries. Why not? Our government and companies armed the men!

Raccoon Noises Fixed

2007-03-08T11:28:00.000-08:00

minor technical note. i fixed the sound links to the raccoon noises on the "More on the War" post. It's worth a visit. they're very cute.

A perfect storm

2007-03-07T17:10:00.000-08:00

We had a little incident at a store yesterday. It was early afternoon and my mom hadn’t eaten anything and she hadn’t taken her meds (that the drug companies claim are not habit-forming, but trust me, she’s addicted), and she had her receipt and attempted to return a rug that she bought three weeks ago – at IKEA. They took the rug in the back and then after a half hour came back, said they’d checked it out and it was used so they’d only take it back at a 40% discount. Mom was furious (this was not her first IKEA returns problem – they make it almost impossible to return anything). After things escalated and they called security, she threw the rug back in the cart and left saying “your father will have to return this and we are now boycotting IKEA – forever.”

It was a little scary to see my mom lose it like that, but I have to admit a certain thrill in having security called on her. Unfortunately I did not get my cinnamon bun as we were going to get them after the return, and got caught up in the boycott.

I’m actually surprise that women aren’t throwing fits of rage ALL the time. I’ve heard a lot about how girl babies are killed in China and India because they value boys more, but while I was doing a book report I came across a chart in a book (The Economist Pocket World in Figures 2006 Edition.) This chart is called “Most Male Populations”

Number of males per 100 females

1. United Arab Emirates 214
2. Qatar 206
3. Kuwait 150
4. Bahrain 132
5. Oman 128
6. Saudi Arabia 117
7.Greenland 113
8. Jordan 108
9. Afghanistan 107
Andorra 107
Brunei 107
Faroe Islands 107
Libya 107
14. China 106
Pakistan 106
Papua New Guinea 106
17. French Polynesia 105
Guinea 105
India 105
New Caledonia 105
Niger 105
Taiwan 105

I don’t know what’s going on in Greenland, but aside from them, all the top ones are arab or middle-eastern (and muslim), and the numbers are WAY higher than china. China is 106:100. United Arab Emirates is 214:100! Where did all the girls go? And if the slaughter of the females isn’t enough for you, why hasn’t anyone talked about maybe this is why all the men are so angry and violent in the middle east. And of course the rich and powerful men have lots of wives leaving even fewer for the rest, and homosexuals are executed, so how is this Israel’s fault? I’m not saying the men are mad because they don’t get women, but how can you have a peaceful society when you have that much testosterone in the population and no one to tell them to go to their rooms.

When we watch the news about the middle east I always wonder why they only ever talk with men and we almost always only see men on the TV, but now I know it’s because there AREN’T any women. How could this be and no one talks about it? The US defended Kuwait, and though people talked about how the women weren’t allowed to drive, why didn’t they talk about how they weren’t allowed to live? And Qatar (206:100), aren’t they our “allies”, and Saudi Arabia? Someone’s got a LOT of explaining to do.

PS. I checked out Andorra, and it’s a tiny European country and they live forever, so the 110 year old men are skewing things, and there aren’t very many people there (71,000). And the Faroe Island (pop 48,000) are some islands off of Denmark, and I guess the women chose the mainland over the sheep and fishermen.

PPS. I hope people comment on this one, because I’d really like to know where the girls went and what could be done about this.

The Man Code

2007-02-08T11:22:00.000-08:00

Apparently SF Mayor Gavin Newsom broke the "man code." That's what it said in the paper. I knew they had one, I just didn't think they'd admit it in public like that. I'd like to break the man code. It's something like the DaVinci code, except it has to do with not touching each other's "property."

There was another violation last weekend when two men kissed over a snickers bar. They freaked out and in some versions of the ad got violent, and this upset some people. I guess no one noticed that the whole Superbowl is about men touching each other and breaking each other's bones. I think all the football players who have been convicted of domestic violence should have to play without padding. That would really break the man code, but I'd pay per view that.

Check the other 7th graders for stubble

2007-01-30T08:40:00.000-08:00

With the exception of the teachers and the administrators and the custodial staff and the other adults at school, I used to think we were safe at school. Of course students do assault each other--and more often than anyone knows--but now I'm gonna have to ask all the kids I play with for two forms of ID. What if this "student" tried to infiltrate my Girl Scout Troop -- though the only boy we let in is Hector, cause he's my friend and his mom is one of the troop leaders, and he's small so I could take him if I needed to, and he's way cool anyway, but HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN???

PHOENIX - A convicted sex offender attended at least two Arizona middle schools, sat through seventh-grade courses and turned in homework as he moved around the state pretending to be 12 years old, officials say.

Authorities in Yavapai County have accused Neil Havens Rodreick II, who is really 29, of assaulting a girl.

He went to at least TWO schools. And at the time he was living with a 61 year old man who thought he was having sex with a 12 year-old (so he should be convicted too even though his 12 year-old is really 29).

Oh, and get this, he got kicked out for poor attendance! Not for being an adult child molester. I wonder if they would've even caught him if he wore a fox costume to school and asked all the other kids to put on the chicken outfits.

The LA Weekly sells flesh

2007-01-23T14:46:00.000-08:00

All these papers that think they are so progressive and do exposes of businesses and politicians (especially right wing ones) and talk about freedom and liberation actually make all their money pimping. Look at the pages and pages of girls and women for sale in the back. And a naked massage is not therapy. And then there's the ads that are trying to make all the women who don't have pimps into whores too (except more voluntarily and for free).

LA WEEKLY advertorial
Heart & Pole
Trina Lance bringings [sic] her unique blend of humor and sensuality to this class that is truly designed for women from 18-30. This class teaches you classic pole moves and reconnects you to your feminine power.

Okay, first of all, "truly" designed? As opposed to "not really" designed for women 18-30 (instead it's truly for women 0-17 and 31-99). And "classic" pole moves? Is that like "classic" Christian rock? To reconnect me with my FEMININE POWER???? I think Hilary in the White House is real Feminine Power. Humping a pole so some man can believe you would want to do that to him is NOT power. You're humping a pole with a piece of floss stuck in your butt. Most of the women who pole dance didn't have the option of being a Senator or the President, but don't try to sell this to us as some kind of liberation. 1984 is OVER, you pimps.

Now you can wear Ethel's Law

2007-01-20T17:04:00.000-08:00

Now you can join me in my children's civil rights movement by buying and wearing my stuff. There's a link on the left where it says "links." or you can link right here: Ethel's Merch

The Gloves Are Off

2007-01-20T09:55:00.000-08:00

A CA state legislator named Sally Lieber is trying to pass a law that says you can't spank (beat) a child under 4 years old. And people are publicly whining about this! It just goes to further make my point that children are slaves. 'Parental rights' are about owning your 'property', and if you want to wreck or destroy or sell your property, then who is the government to tell you not to. Here's an example of a proud owner:

"The day that the [government] gives birth to my children, then they have a right to raise them," wrote Esther. "Till then they are mine to do with as I please. I will raise them the way I see fit. If I think that those little butts need a swat … I will be the one to give it to them."

Just because you got drunk and pregnant doesn't give you the right to own the poor creature who had to come through your body to get here. You don't get to grow your own victim. [And you should think about how you treat your kids if you don't want to get smothered in your nursing home bed!]

At one time we had a civil war because some people wanted to be allowed to own other people, and some people thought that that was wrong. It's time for another civil war.

Get out of the cult you idiots

2007-01-17T08:51:00.001-08:00

Some Jehovah's witnesses had a litter of babies and of course the babies were premature and now they need blood transfusions but the freak parents won't let them because the bible says they can not eat blood. First of all, JWs are not vegetarians, so they're total hypocrites - and flesh eaters (cannibals in my book). And people don't eat transfusions --they get them through a shot. And these idiots who won't eat blood, apparently eat fertility drugs (like candy). God didn't want you to have any babies - that's why you were infertile!

More Dignified Killings please

2007-01-16T18:02:00.000-08:00

In Iraq they executed two more of Saddam's gang, and when they hung one of them his head fell off. Condoleeza said that she wished it would've been more dignified. Maybe everyone should've been wearing tuxedos at the event. Keep your heads on people! Otherwise it's so gross and disturbing that it might make people think the death penalty is not a giant step forward toward democracy. But I guess if the majority of people vote for heads to fall off then it is democratic (though I don't think the people who's heads would fall off would agree.)

Maybe next time they could use some kind of tape or something so they don't have this problem. My dad has some extra duct tape from when the government told us how to protect ourselves during the orange alert.

Some children SHOULD be left behind

2007-01-12T17:27:00.000-08:00

I am of course referring to the "President." Things are going badly so he wants to do more of the same. And now they are having such a hard time finding troops that they are sending army men into the elementary schools to try to tell us how great a job it is so we'll sign up the second we're old enough (and in the meantime sign up for army email and start playing their videogames). I think we should be able to vote a few times before we have to go fight for some idiot.

I've started a petition to ask my public school to start teaching shoemaking, cause it's pretty clear that in a few years China is going to call in our debt and then we're going to be making THEIR shoes. I think that will be easier for more Americans than learning Chinese. Chinese is a lot harder than Spanish, and even though we practically live in Mexico, I don't know very many "Americans" who can say much more than "por favor, limpia mi casa ahora." It would be nice if my classmates would go to college and learn how to be world citizens (as opposed to drunken idiots on Spring break), but I think we'll be leaving most of them to poverty and worse if we don't at least teach shoe-making. I'm not excluding myself either. I want to know how to make a nice oxford (from naugahyde - not real animals).

I'm Back

2006-11-29T11:10:00.000-08:00

Sorry about my absence -- both for my fans and my enemies. I just got out of rehab. Not really, but that's my story. Well it's sort of true. I got "diagnosed" and given Ritalin, which would be fine if I was past puberty and could enjoy it for recreation, but at my age, it's like thorazine. Of course I stopped taking it (and am hiding my growing stash of pills for future projects).

Of course there's nothing wrong with me. It's the rest of the world that needs to be medicated. Just because I noticed the pattern of attacks on girls and thought we should protect ourselves, I get labeled sick. But the men who rape and shoot the girls, well, they're just boys gotten a little out of control. Of course they do always shoot themselves afterward. But why don't they ever shoot themselves first?

For my part I refuse to explain ANY of my behavior (they accused me of "incitement") by saying I had a drug problem -- or a lack-of-drugs problem -- because there is nothing wrong with my behavior. I am the only rational one around. I'm tired of everyone blaming their sicko behavior on alcohol, like that idiot Foley. "Oh, yeah, I'm an alcoholic and I'm going to rehab now." That was very confusing, cause Mel led us all to believe that alcoholism causes anti-semitism, not pedophilia.

Anyway, I gotta go back to class now, but I'll be back later.

The PLAN

2006-10-05T18:32:00.000-07:00

In light of the terrorism against girls (i.e. boys and men shooting schoolgirls), and the unlikelihood that girls will be armed and trained to shoot, we feel there is no alternative than for all girls to boycott school until there is a war on the terror against us. Schools are unsafe and we will not go to our slaughter when they ring the school bells. DO NOT GO TO SCHOOL. Instead, girls are urged to meet with each other in girl scout troops or other girls organizations and plan for protecting ourselves. If not now, then when? If not us, then who?

2006-10-03T15:59:00.000-07:00

Emergency Session

2006-10-03T15:48:00.000-07:00

Me and my girl scout troop are in an emergency session given that it's now open season on school girls. I'll be back to the blog soon.

Meanwhile, enjoy Henry Darger's painting of girls with guns.

(un)Holy Foley

2006-09-29T14:16:00.000-07:00

"Congressman Mark Foley (R-FL) planned to resign today, hours after ABC questioned him about sexually explicit internet messages with current and former Congressional pages under the age of 18."

Foley was chairman of the Congressional Missing and Exploited Children's Caucus.

And why are there NO missing or exploited children in the missing and exploited children's caucus? Is the purpose of the committee for the Congressmen/pedophiles to trade tips?

They tell us we're supposed to tell. But I don't think we should tell THEM, we should tell the children's militias, which need to start forming!!!!!

And You Thought Barbie Was Bad

2006-09-28T10:43:00.000-07:00

Okay, here's what I found in the news today:
"agents discovered several "inflated, anatomically-correct child sexual dolls, which were dressed as children .... During the ICE raid, List, a hospital employee, told agents that he had dressed the inflatable dolls himself."

It didn't say how he dressed the dolls, and I'm not sure which I find more disturbing: garanimals or a JonBenet outfit. Dolls are for children you sicko. I'm glad he didn't have dressed-up anatomically-correct stuffed animals, though, cause then I could never look at Flopsie the same.

dirty old sperm

2006-09-11T14:53:00.000-07:00

They finally figured out that it's old man sperm that is causing all the autistic children (boys). I don't even want to think about this, because it's gross, and I'm ten and should know nothing about it, but I have to go to school with these boys, who are becoming as popular (common -- not popular as in cool and everyone wants to be their friend) as twins and triplets and quintuplets. You can get viagra and ditch your wife for a younger woman, but don't think you can have a second family that will turn out better. Meanwhile it's the old eggs that lead to Downe's syndrome, and young parents don't know what the hell they're doing, so NO ONE should be having children.

Meanwhile they (you know they - the ones who control everything, who have all the money and make the decisions) are selling padded bras to little girls - in size 6! -- as in for a SIX YEAR OLD (which size I still wear, but that's cause I'm small -- failure to thrive). What is wrong with them?

Pluto Out, JonBenet In

2006-08-24T15:57:00.000-07:00

Pluto is not a planet anymore.
They changed the definition.
But JonBenet is still dead. she was still murdered - and raped - they haven't changed the definition of that yet.

Notice the bruise near her right elbow. You can't teach children "good and bad touch" and to just say "NO" to the bad touch, because no one ever asks them if they want to be touched, and even if they say no, what giant person who owns them is going to listen? JonBenet might have liked being on stage, cause no one could rape her without witnesses there, but I think it's pretty obvious that her parents just made her a "Beauty queen" so they could charge more for her to the pedophiles and child pornographers who were their friend. YES, Mr. Karr was their friend. The billions of dollars people are making exploiting her even ten years after she was killed should go to arming children so they could back up their "NO - that is bad touch" statements.

By the way, Hector has pointed out that if JonBenet was brown or black - or even dark-haired, we would never even know about her. And what kind of name is JonBenet anyway?

Everybody to the principal's office. Now.

2006-08-09T16:27:00.000-07:00

All the people who start the wars and keep them going should be grounded. Someone hit an oil factory in the middle east and now there's a big oil spill and a fire. It's already over a hundred degrees in the desert (which is swallowing the whole earth). We don't need any more fires. What is wrong with them?!?!?

But, trees that took 200 years to grow take us like 2 hours to burn, so I guess we are making progress.

Mr. Apocalypto Just Drunk?

2006-08-01T12:07:00.000-07:00

Mel Gibson, the producer of a traumatizing snuff movie that lots of Christian children were forced to see as a family outing, says he was 'just drunk' when he went on his little Nazi ventfest. I've heard this same excuse from wife-beaters and child-rapists. My dad gets drunk sometimes, and he's the same idiot as usual, just louder. He doesn't suddently try to rape a child or blame a Jew. So what is that? And what is wrong with those idiots in Hollywood to say he just needs to go to Betty Ford? Betty Ford should refuse to let him in. He'll just make all the other drunk people there start drinking again. What happened to Mel when he was a child? And ABC wants him to do a mini-series about the holocaust? I think it's going to be a VERY MINI series, like 30 seconds - which should be enough to say that it never happened. It is a DISNEY channel after all.

Technical note

2006-07-27T10:11:00.000-07:00

I figured out how to make links in here, so the links to the raccoon sounds are fixed in the "More on the War" blog (June 11). I especially love the sound the 'sow'(the mother - she's not a pig) makes. I like to listen to it over and over (it's short), which drives the rest of my family crazy, but I like it. It sounds like a big happy cat.

The Salamander in Chief

2006-07-26T16:20:00.000-07:00

How can "president" Bush even understand what a signing statment is? he's an idiot! and we have almost three more years of him (if we survive it). He's stupid. Now that the whole country is roasting and people are dying, he's trying to dismiss it all as just a publicity stunt by Al Gore. It's a good one if it is. And even if people don't want to hear what he has to say, at least his movie shows in air-conditioned theatres, which probably adds to the global warming, but maybe people will go home and turn off their A/C. "Governer" Arnold (who is short like me, by the way) told us we should keep our thermostats at 78 degrees. I find it hard to believe that he has HIS thermostat that high. But if he does, please don't put him on TV. I don't want to have to see his disgusting sweaty, steroidy, sexual-harrassing, body. And speaking of sexual harassment, I'd like to see Bush take his skeevy hands off of the German President and do the same thing to his little buddy Tony Blair. I know he probably has already, but I mean in PUBLIC!

Is it hot enough for you?

2006-07-22T22:03:00.000-07:00

Even the atheists are starting to believe in hell -- and it's here on earth (like the Jews say). Lucky for me I live in Orange Countty, where everything is air-conditioned (though not OVER air-conditioned like NY office buildings -- so hairy, sweaty men can still wear their 3-piece wool suits -- idiots!) I feel sorry for people in Europe and New England who are still stuck in the old-days of the occasional two or three day heat wave. Is it a heat wave if it lasts for months? I think is's more of a heat tsunami. Katrina's going to look like the little sister of the monsters that are coming.

I don't know what it was like in the "normal" times that the adults still believe are normal and that we'll be getting back to any minute, but I can say that as long as I can remember it's HOT, VERY HOT, and it's getting worse.

whatever trees are left are going to have to start breathing a lot more heavily. So people better get over their "a man and a woman" "missionary position only" sexual prejudices and hope that some of those tree-huggers move on to heavy petting.

ENDLESS SUMMER

2006-07-13T14:38:00.000-07:00

I don't know why people think that summer is so much fun. It's more like hell if you ask me. It's hot. Very hot. Too hot. I know it's wrong but sometimes I have to go stick my face in the freezer. I want the remaining glacier(s) to melt and the cold water to come turn my bed into a float. Not really, just in my fantasy (a real fantasy - as opposed to pervert fantasies which are not really fantasies because they really happen.)

I also hate summer because I don't get to see all my friends at school, and I have to spend more time with my brothers who unfortunately are not incapacitated by the torturous heat. People misbehave in the heat--there are more murders. My cat Kevin has been trying to rape our other cat Jamal, and my idiot brothers just point at him and say "Kevin's a faggot! Kevin's a faggot!" I don't care if he's gay. He's a RAPIST! Jamal clearly doesn't want him to do it. He cries and tries to get up. I yell at Kevin and he looks at me like he doesn't understand, so I have to pick him up and take him off poor Jammy. It must be because he's in captivity, but if I let him out, he'll get run over by some idiot in an SUV, so what am I supposed to do? They're both neutered, but I think my brothers let Kevin watch the Discovery channel.

I can't wait til I can go back to school, where the girls do well, and the boys do nothing - because they DON'T HAVE TO, BECAUSE THEY GET ALL THE JOBS AND THE MONEY AND THE PROPERTY ANYWAY!

England hates this holiday

2006-07-03T18:10:00.000-07:00

Yet another holiday that involves burning animal parts in the backyard. I am all for independence day, and I like to blow things up as much as the next ten year old (which is a LOT), but I don't want to go to the town park with my family and watch a lame firework display that upsets all the dogs and babies. (The best part is the accidental (every year?) brush fire afterward.)

I would rather get together with other children to declare our independence and target our oppressors. I'd like to put some fireworks in Mr. Chudgewhistle's stretch pants. He's the fifth grade science teacher who's always trying to get the girls to fish the candy corns out of his pockets. Then I might want to go after the senior citizens who are stealing all of our money. They get free health care even if they're rich, but not all kids do, and they get much more money than schools because they vote and whine and all the politicians are afraid not to give them whatever they want. Us children on the other hand, are FORBIDDEN to vote. We have no say in our government. Wasn't that the reason American rebelled and became an emancipated minor????

Fireworks are dangerous, and sometimes things that aren't supposed to accidentally catch fire. And I just hope that when the kabooms go off I'm not anywhere near any of the Iraq war vets, cause they might mistake me for a ten year old Iraqi girl.

Which day exactly ISN’T fathers’ Day?

2006-06-17T16:01:00.000-07:00

Which day exactly ISN’T fathers’ Day? They all are. Children are still their property all over the world. Priests are called Father. God is called the Father. And one of the ten commandments is ‘honor thy father’. Why? Because we have to be told to do it, because he certainly doesn’t earn it. It’s a racket I tell you. What if your father is a mean bastard? The holiday acts like all fathers are good – just because they are fathers (and we all know what they did to become that – not very much, and it usually involves alcohol and tricking a woman). We’re supposed to buy them things, like BBQ tools so they can cook in the only way they will – which is to burn dead animals outside, and poke at it with long metal sticks. If the fathers want a day to celebrate themselves, then they better start honoring us children, and treating us REALLY well, or Father’s Day is going to get ugly.

PS. If you’re one of the good fathers (i.e. benevolent dictator) then I’m probably not referring to you, and I don’t want to hear you whine about my statements. Police your own, and then we won’t have to talk about it.

CUBA

2006-06-15T15:03:00.000-07:00

There's a lof of talk these days about Guantanamo, and most of it's not good: force feedings, torture, "suicides" (aka asymetric warfare - yeah, one side has all the guns and runs the prison, and the other one gets to hang themselves with sheets). Um, Guantamo is in CUBA!!!!! And we officially HATE Cuba, and we're not allowed to even go visit there. How is it that we have a prison and a big army base there? How can we pretend that Cuba is a threat, when we have an army and prisoners in their backyard, and they can't do anything about it? Aren't we Cuba's illegal immigrants? And if the army can be there, then why can't I go to Havana and smoke a cigar (I mean aside from that I'm ten, and I don't smoke, and the smell of cigars make me want to vomit)?

Excuse me, but she's NOT an orphan

2006-06-13T10:48:00.000-07:00

There's an eleven year old girl in Palestine named Huda Ghaliya, who's father and siblings (and father's other wife) died in an explosion on the beach. This is awful, and we should all be outraged at this and all other senseless acts of violence. Now, the two Palestinian factions are fighting over who will get to adopt her. I thought that was wierd enough, cause I'm pretty sure there are plenty of orphans to go around. But then I found out that she's not really an orphan at all. SHE HAS A MOTHER, but Palestinians consider a fatherless child to be an orphan. What is wrong with them??? I realize people have different beliefs--I have two parents and consider myself an orphan, but I don't expect anyone else to. And I don't see any politicians lining up to adopt me.

If a fatherless child is considered an orphan, then if the Palistinians really cared about children then each woman would have extra husbands, so if one died the children wouldn't have to be orphans.

It should be up to Huda to decide if she wants to be an orphan.

More on the War

2006-06-11T10:45:00.000-07:00

Okay, I do have to deal with the fact that I am living with murderous people who want to kill other creatures, and I’ll get to that when the crisis is over. For now I have to save the animals. I went to retrieve the poison and throw it away, and I discovered that they are not eating the poison. My family is freaking out, because they are making so much noise that it sounds like there are hundreds of them. But today I figured out that it’s not rats, but raccoons, and I can prove it, because they were making raccoon noises. That’s the mother – and she has some babies. This is the sound the babies make: babies. So I found this on the web to prove to all these idiots that it’s wild animals, and not rats, and and you’re not allowed to kill wild animals. And so now they want to put in one way doors so when they leave they can’t come back. Two problems. One is that if the mother leaves, the babies will die in the walls. The other problem is probably a blessing, and that is that the pest men are such slackers that they probably won’t find where the raccoons come it, plus even if they do, the raccoons will find another way, cause they’re very smart. I’m trying to make them wait for the babies to grow up enough to leave with their mother. I’ll keep you posted on that effort.

If you use the links I made to the raccoon noises, please know that I did not google hunting aids, and it is a hunting site -- which I don’t’ understand, because why do hunters need to know what raccoons sound like? Or lots of the other animals on there?

It’s the weekend now, so the animals are safe from the killers, and hopefully they have not eaten any of the poison that is supposed to only kill rats. (Yeah right, my friends cat ate a rat that had been poisoned, and the cat almost died.)