Here's a headline I just read:
HBO Chief Takes Leave of Absence to Sort Out Sobriety.
Apparently him beating his girlfriend (and a few other ones before that HBO had to pay off) was just some sort of weird side effect of alcohol. That's what they should teach us in our anti-drug classes: that the evils of alcohol include: anti-semitism, having sex with children, calling people niggers, and beating up and/or choking your girlfriend, and then they should have Mel Gibson, Mark Foley, Michael Richards, and Chris Albrecht come to our schools and tell us that we shouldn't drink or we'll be just like them. It's amazing what alcohol can do. It must be a very powerful drug to make these otherwise nice men do these terrible things.
I think Betty Ford should tell everybody that these men are full of crap and might be alcoholics, but are also criminals and jerks and are giving alcoholics a bad name and they should stop it. Alcoholism might be a disease, but that's not what these men have - they have the disease of being allowed to do whatever they want because they're rich and powerful and white and male, and then they each got caught on tape (or email, or police report, or whatever). I guess that's one good thing about all the videophones and cameras and internets is that you can't keep secrets as much as you used to. Na na na na na.
PS. Me and Frances drank a whole bottle of concord grape wine and we didn't do any of those things. We just laughed a lot and danced and threw up.