Saturday, December 31, 2011

How I got expelled from Sunday School

We were asked to talk to God.  Here's my "talk".  It was pretty one-sided:       

Alright God.  What the fuck?   First of all, I want you to know that I am here under duress.  I am forced to come here because my parents/owners are making me.   I don’t believe in you, and if you are real, then we should definitely not be worshipping you.  No, Mrs. Hoogen, I will not “pray” silently.  Why shouldn’t the other children hear what I have to say?   They’re being brain-washed, even if they’re supposed to silently do it to themselves.  God is a sham/scam/lie.   Really?  He’s going to send me to hell?  Is that the same as the principal’s office?  Why, because I asked a question? Pointed out the obvious?  You were the one who taught us about God telling Abraham to kill his son.  Then why don’t we worship the Son of Sam?  Now if you’ll excuse me, I was talking to “god.”  I normally would not talk to you, but since I’m in your “house,” whatever.  I’m not going to talk to you anymore after this, because you’re an egomaniac, or just a maniac.  Everyone praying to you and treating you like god, and you think you’re all that – and you periodically drown everyone and destroy cities, and you killed Mrs. Lot because she disobeyed and looked, but you let Mr. Lot offer his daughters to the rapist mob and then take them to the mountains and impregnate them himself.  You should be in prison, not owning all the biggest houses in every town and city.   You might have the rest of the people fooled, but not me.   You’re NAKED!  Like Noah was.  And it’s not a pretty sight.  You’re disgusting.   And I’m not an atheist except it depends on how you define believe in.  I’m not going to say you don’t exist, because I don’t know.  I don’t know a lot of things.  But if you do exist, I don’t believe in you – like people believe in love or magic.  I don’t believe you have my best interests at heart.  How come those 10 commandments involve respecting your parents, but not your children?  They don’t need to be respected, because they’re bigger and can kill us if they want to –and a lot more children are killed by their parents than parents are killed by their children.  That’s right.  They’re afraid of us.   How come children who kill their parents get harsher sentences than parents who kill their children?  Or at least fathers who kill their children.  Mothers get harsh sentences too, I guess because it’s considered unladylike – and of course mom is killing HIS children.  And maybe juries and judges are afraid that if their mothers could kill them they would.  Anyway, I’m getting off the track.  I don’t like these ten commandments, and I think they say an awful lot about you and what’s wrong with you.  Honor?   Honor me, motherfucker

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