Friday, September 06, 2013

No Country for Old Women (or young ones)

Today I got a thing in the mail from Hadassah.  My mom made me a lifetime member.  I didn’t really know what Hadassah was, I only knew that Hadassah arms were those flabby upper arms that were like bat wings on old ladies.  But it said in the papers that it was an organization for women Zionists.  And I realized that I’m a woman Zionist.  But not like they mean.   Zionism is Jewish nationalism.  The desire for a jewish state.  But I want a state for WOMEN. They  can be Jewish women, and all other women too.  Women don’t have a state.  We don’t have a country.  An actual place where we can go and be welcomed and be safe from our enemies.  (Imagine if instead of Israel there were just a bunch of battered Jew shelters scattered throughout enemy territory?)   Then people could yell at us “go back to your “cuntry,” and we could say, “happy to, fucker.”  Our country would have to be very big, because there are a lot of us.  And a lot of us who need that space.  All the women from Syria and Afghanistan and Iraq, and Bosnia, and Egypt and India, and Juarez, and Steubenville could come to our nation.  If this sounds absurd, then maybe the idea of countries or nations is too.  

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Pimping the tooth fairy.

Grossness.  Apparently there wasn't enough exploitation in the world, so some Disney man and his friends came up with a way to own the tooth fairy.  They made them as fake and Disnified as possible (in vomitous purple and pink mostly) and called them the "real" tooth fairies.  Everyone knows the tooth fairy is our parents.  Maybe a few kids believe it's really a fairy, but if they get all involved in the world then they're either going to be really upset when they find out that their parents conspired with the tooth fairy pimps OR they're going to go insane.  Either way,  I hope those girls do some damage when they find out.   Yeah, it's disappointing when you find out that the Easter Bunny and Santa aren't real, but those two aren't trying to get you to create an online relationship with them, that could end up with you meeting some creepy man at his hotel.  Who are these "Real" tooth fairies?   Strange adults who are having children write to them and who are writing back!!!??  EEewwww.   Where's Chris Hansen and to Catch a Predator?

Okay, so here's a link [that doesn't work because I just had to take the link down because they do not want you to see it -- I will work on finding another way.  it's awesome in it's awfulness] to the video where you can see the investor's pitch.  See if you can get through it without horking.    They could've at least gotten union actors.  I almost didn't believe it was real, but they already have a working website.

And here's a picture from the website.  Look on the left side under the "For Parent's section.  The second option is UPGRADE Your Girl.   WHAT????????  Upgrade me?   That is not an option.  When you have a kid, that's it.  You don't get to upgrade like a new iphone.  If we're not good enough, it's probably your fault anyway.  And you wouldn't need an upgrade if you weren't trying to sell us bullshit like this.     Just put the money under the pillow and we're all happy.    And since I'm not supposed to know it was you, don't expect a thank you note.

And girls, just say no.  If it feels creepy, it probably is.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

children and guns

First a lot of children (mostly first grade girls) were shot at Sandy Hook school by a man, and a lot of people said there should be gun control, but some people, like the NRA said that if everyone in the school had had guns, then he wouldn't have been able to do what he did (even though he killed 26 people in 5 minutes).   At the time I was thinking, "if you're talking about arming 6-year old girls, I'm all ears."

But in the last two weeks, there have been two shooting by young children.  First a 4 year old (boy) shot a 6 year old, and then a different 4 year old (boy) shot the 38 year old wife of the gun owner (they didn't even say "allegedly" shot in either story- kids have no rights).   I'm sure the NRA thinks that if that 6 year old was armed too and if the wife of the gun owner had her own pretty pink gun, then these tragedies could've been avoided.  

It's clear to me that we should NOT be arming 4 year old (boy)s.  They're too immature, unlike the adults who left their guns in handy reach of the four year olds.    I think you should have to be at least 10.  Which I am.

What's Next? Burkahs?

A middle school in Petaluma California decided that girls could only wear leggings if they wore shorts or skirts or dresses over them.   They said it was because it was too distracting for the boys.  Next thing you'll see people stoning girls in the playground because their ankles are showing.  WTF?  Why don't they just make the boys wear leggings over their eyes and then there won't be a problem.   Girls should be allowed to wearing anything they want to school including nothing, and be perfectly safe from other people.    If you get too excited looking at some stupid leggings, then fuck yourself! literally!

Of course I would totally support the no leggings/tights policy if it had been done for the right reason, which is YOU'RE NOT WEARING ANY PANTS!!!!!  It looks like you didn't finished getting dressed.  tights are NOT PANTS!!!    Even if they're solid and you didn't buy the see-thru kind for $100 from lulu lemon and then "surprise - i can see everything!!"  it's still not a good look.  i can either see your underwear or your camel toe, or both.   And I'm not discriminating against girls.  Boys should not be allowed to wear bike shorts or wrestling outfits or speedos, EVER.