Friday, May 26, 2006

Child Molester Too Short For Prison. What??!!!!?!??

A judge in Nebraska gave a convicted child molester probation instead of prison because he was too short. He was 5'1". How tall was his victim? If you're tall enough to do the crime, then you're tall enough to do the time. It's not Disneyland -- there's no "you must be this tall to go on this ride." You already went on a ride you weren't supposed to, you little jerk. I don't care if you're a 24 inch stump, you get the same sentence. I'm 4'1", and I have NEVER been spared any punishments because of my height. But I'll be sure to bring it up next time.

If there's gonna be a rule that a short person shouldn't have to go to prison because he will be hurt by bigger criminals, then no children should have to go to institutions full of bigger people -- like school, or families that include parents. Children are constantly preyed on because of their small size. And I'm sure that molester tried to pretend he wasn't dangerous because he was child-sized (big child sized by the way -- he weighs 40 more pounds than I do) -- so if some big cellmate wants to play Santa with him, then I say "Merry Christmas!"

And here's another shocker -- the judge was a woman. I guess she'd rather sympathize with a short man than a child. The one thing worse than a woman who identifies with men is a woman who identifies with short men. If he's so cute and vulnerable, why doesn't SHE take him home?

Wednesday, May 24, 2006


When I’m selling Thin Mints I like to tell my customers that they’re fun to eat while watching “To Catch a Predator.” How retarded are some of those men? There was one man who had seen the series and still signed up for a date with Dateline. Duh. My friend Frances and I have our own little sting going, so those of you who are prowling around Myspace better watch out, because we’re not working with law enforcement. We ARE law enforcement. Ethel’s Law. If you make a date with one of us (and obviously I’m not using my own name and profile, duh), you will actually get to meet a couple of ten year olds, but that’s where your fantasy will end. And ours begins. We have already captured 4 men, and they will never report what happened them. One of them pleaded with us “please, I have two small children.” Can you believe that crap? We said, “well then this is for them!” What can I say? Frances has those strong soccer legs, and I have a zero tolerance policy. My space is MY space, and you're not allowed to touch it. But if you try, I promise you a date you'll never forget.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Who you calling a mother?

In addition to what i said yesterday, i have to challenge the whole idea of mothers anyway. because this holiday is a glorification of genetic narcissism. there are too many people on the planet, and most people should not be allowed to have children anyway, and mother's day is propaganda -- oh, it's so wonderful to be a mother. no it's not. just ask Andrea Yates or Susan Smith, or Joan Crawford. Better yet, ask their children. Motherhood (and fatherhood) is just a way where ANYONE can be the boss over someone else. i'm not saying we don't need mothers, but most of them are no Theresa's (just a metaphor, don't get me started on her). I should be celebrated tomorrow, because i am the mother of two cats, who i'm sure would like nothng more than to bring me a dead mouse in my bed. but that will not happen because it's baby animal season so they are not allowed out. even though Jamal whines at the door to go out, i won't let him because it's "save a rat day." and since he cannot be trusted to protect others from himself, i have to do it (like how we should deal with child molesters. don't let them out. call it "save a child day.")

also, i think there should be licenses for being a parent. almost everything else that could be harmful is regulated (unless you're a big business and friends with the president), but like you have to have a license to drive a car or fish (or hunt --MR CHENEY!!! -- though that wasn't hunting, it was more like mass murder.) but you don't have to have any license to have a child. you don't even have to pass a test that asks a) is it okay to leave the kids alone with an armed clown? b) is it okay to starve, beat, molest, torture your children? c) Is it okay to dress them in humiliating clothes that will ruin their social lives?

my point is, you are not allowed to take a new baby out of the hospital until you prove that you have an approved carseat that is properly installed in the car. but once you pass the carseat test and drive them away, you're free to drive them into a lake.

Friday, May 12, 2006

The Real Mother's Day

"During the 1600's, England celebrated a day called "Mothering Sunday". During this time many of the England's poor worked as servants for the wealthy. As most jobs were located far from their homes, the servants would live at the houses of their employers. On Mothering Sunday the servants would have the day off and were encouraged to return home and spend the day with their mothers. A special cake, called the mothering cake, was often brought along to provide a festive touch."

"In the United States Mother's Day was first suggested in 1872 by Julia Ward Howe (who wrote the words to the Battle hymn of the Republic) as a day dedicated to peace. Ms. Howe would hold organized Mother's Day meetings in Boston, Mass ever year."

Please note the quotation marks above and see that i did not plagiarize but copied from some website. So mother's day is about exploitation and peace, not picking some flowers from your neighbor's yard and making your mother a disgusting breakfast and getting it all over her bed. Instead, you should make sure she takes the day off of being a servant (even to her own family!), and take her on a peace march.

Of course my mother would never go on a peace march. She works for private prison corporation, and i don't think peace is good for their business. i've tried to convince her that all the soldiers who get killed in Iraq will never end up in prison, but i guess all the veterans who are now psychotic might, so....

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Sick Day

i'm home sick today. i'm allergic to everything. i'm even allergic to my cat, but i refuse to let that keep us apart. so far i have stopped my parents from deporting him (to certain death at the prison/death camps they call animal shelters), by arguing rightly that i only got a 3 on the allergy scale to cats, and i got 4s to trees and mites, and dust, and all the things that are totally impossible to get rid of, so what's the point in taking away the one thing that keeps me from being otherwise miserable, by killing it. i can't even believe that anyone would suggest it. why do they only test for the things they test for? cause i'm pretty sure that there are a lot of PEOPLE that would cause huge red welts if i was tested for them. it is a fact that certain people can depress your immune system. trust me on this.

i hope i can go back to school tomorrow, because in addition to feeling like crap, i miss my friends and i'm bored.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Cinco de Mayo

I heard some idiot yesterday asking when cinco de mayo was. which is totally duh to begin with, but to add idiot to idiot, she asked it on May 6. Some people have complained that some of my posts are more like complaints than activist oriented, and i will try to be more action oriented, but sometimes my action is to complain about things that just are wrong. i keep hoping if i point htem out then they will get fixed. i realize that's not very likely, but it's worth trying, and might prevent me from doing something that i can later have expunged from my record because i am a juvenile.

Friday, May 05, 2006

Mr. Colbert and the Wussy Press (Typists)

dammit. i just wrote a whole blog entry and i previewed it and then i tried to go back a page to fix it and the whole thing disappeared. of course it was genius. blogspot sucks.

okay, i was writing about how stupid teh press is for trying to hide Steven Colbert ripping them a new asshole. cause that always backfires and the word gets out. and all those idiots make fun of young people for getting their news from Comedy Central, but it's the closest thing to real news, and it's their fault.

how long do you think it took "President" Bush to figure out that he was being made fun of? i think Laura knew before he did, which makes her at least marginally smarter than him, but she is an emabarrasment to our gender by not being divorced (or WIDOWED) yet. unless they threatened to kill her or her children for leaving, i have zero respect for her.

i'm in detention right now, because i sang "America, LA Bonita" at the assembly, which is totally outrageous. i'm trying to learn a second language, which we should all do, but instead it's considered unamerican, even though the "president" speaks English like it's a second language (his first one is some kind of twinspeak, except that his twin is in his head, and hates him.) i must say that kids in detention are quite easy to organize, cause they hate authority and aren't always trying to look good. a few of them would rather put gum in my hair (I'll give you their names, Frances), but some of them make excellent soldiers. i hope the teachers haven't figured out how to read my blog, or i'll wind up in solitary (the janitor's closet, and yes, they put us in there, like some kind of present to all the pervy janitors.)

Monday, May 01, 2006

GET OUT!!!!!!!

don't be reading my blog. go to a protest. they're everywhere. DO IT!