Saturday, December 31, 2011

How I got expelled from Sunday School

We were asked to talk to God.  Here's my "talk".  It was pretty one-sided:       

Alright God.  What the fuck?   First of all, I want you to know that I am here under duress.  I am forced to come here because my parents/owners are making me.   I don’t believe in you, and if you are real, then we should definitely not be worshipping you.  No, Mrs. Hoogen, I will not “pray” silently.  Why shouldn’t the other children hear what I have to say?   They’re being brain-washed, even if they’re supposed to silently do it to themselves.  God is a sham/scam/lie.   Really?  He’s going to send me to hell?  Is that the same as the principal’s office?  Why, because I asked a question? Pointed out the obvious?  You were the one who taught us about God telling Abraham to kill his son.  Then why don’t we worship the Son of Sam?  Now if you’ll excuse me, I was talking to “god.”  I normally would not talk to you, but since I’m in your “house,” whatever.  I’m not going to talk to you anymore after this, because you’re an egomaniac, or just a maniac.  Everyone praying to you and treating you like god, and you think you’re all that – and you periodically drown everyone and destroy cities, and you killed Mrs. Lot because she disobeyed and looked, but you let Mr. Lot offer his daughters to the rapist mob and then take them to the mountains and impregnate them himself.  You should be in prison, not owning all the biggest houses in every town and city.   You might have the rest of the people fooled, but not me.   You’re NAKED!  Like Noah was.  And it’s not a pretty sight.  You’re disgusting.   And I’m not an atheist except it depends on how you define believe in.  I’m not going to say you don’t exist, because I don’t know.  I don’t know a lot of things.  But if you do exist, I don’t believe in you – like people believe in love or magic.  I don’t believe you have my best interests at heart.  How come those 10 commandments involve respecting your parents, but not your children?  They don’t need to be respected, because they’re bigger and can kill us if they want to –and a lot more children are killed by their parents than parents are killed by their children.  That’s right.  They’re afraid of us.   How come children who kill their parents get harsher sentences than parents who kill their children?  Or at least fathers who kill their children.  Mothers get harsh sentences too, I guess because it’s considered unladylike – and of course mom is killing HIS children.  And maybe juries and judges are afraid that if their mothers could kill them they would.  Anyway, I’m getting off the track.  I don’t like these ten commandments, and I think they say an awful lot about you and what’s wrong with you.  Honor?   Honor me, motherfucker

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

I WISH it was the Planet of the Apes

Mother bear kills cub and then itself

I don't even know what to say about this, except to say that she should've killed the humans instead. ALL the humans.  What is wrong with people?  This momma grizzly is a hero (unlike Palin, who would probably approve of people keeping bears in cages and "milking" their gall bladders to make "medicine" for penis enlargement or whatever.)    Didn't people watch the Planet of the Apes?   I'm not saying all Chinese would do this.  I know there are animal rights people everywhere, but the Chinese government doesn't seem to have a problem with it, and when they take over the world next week then we shouldn't be surprised if us Americans end up in cages with metal vests on having our pancreases milked so the newly diabetic obese Chinese boys (cause that's what the children pretty much are) can have fresh insulin. 

I think it's time for a remake of Kung Fu Panda - but this one won't be a Disney movie.

Tuesday, July 05, 2011

Gender labeling of meat

It seems that there is a lot of violence in the animal world:  gang rapes by ducks, elephant seals attacking the females and "accidentally" killing baby seals, male otters beating up the females in order to "mate" (see my last post).   Meat should have gender labeling so that only the brutal animals will be eaten (if you still eat meat!).   And before you get all "women do the same thing to men, so everything is all fair and let's just leave it all alone" it's not ALWAYS the males abusing the females.   Female praying mantises eat the males - but still gender labeling will make that clear, so if you eat praying mantises or black widow spiders, then you'll know which ones to eat.   We should be eating the abusers, not their victims.

Eat your enemies, not your friends!

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Our revolution must extend to the Otters (and beyond)

Below you will see a cute picture of an otter, one of my favorite animals.  But then, I read the caption, which I made bigger for you below that so you can read in horror what I read.   

I can no longer say that otters are my favorite animals.  Only the female otters.   It says "This otter, identified as female - her scarred face is an indicator of mating practices--"   What????   There's domestic violence among otters?   he has to scratch and chew her face as a part of 'mating practices'?  How exactly does that lead to more baby otters?  If she doesn't like you, then get off, you jerk otter.   people always excuse men for being violent and raping by saying they're just expressing their "animal nature."  Well if that's true, then we need to expand our feminist revolution to the animals, because at least half the animals are girls, and I don't think they're down with the "it's animal nature" argument.

So listen up Mr. Otter, next time you try to mate with a cute little female otter, you better check first and make sure she's not sporting a praying mantis tattoo!

Monday, June 27, 2011

What is wrong with this picture?

When a dying kid's wish is to kill

A nonprofit helps terminally ill children with the unusual -- and to some, alarming -- dream of hunting an animal

If you're dying wish is to murder an animal, then your death is not tragic; it's too late!! I'm sorry you have cancer, but leave the animals alone. What if I had cancer, and my dying wish was to shoot a kid who's dying wish is to shoot an animal? Where's my foundation? According to this article, the Make-A-Wish Foundation will no longer arrange for these hunting trips, because an animal rights activist got to them, which implies that they used to do it! WTF? I'm gonna start a foundation to help ill children with the unusual, and to some, alarming dreams that I personally approve of. My Manifesto will be coming out soon, and frankly, I can use a small army of kamikazi children to take out anyone (adults mostly) who get in my way.

Monday, June 20, 2011

My missing sisters (aka the war on girls)

There's a new book out called

Unnatural Selection: Choosing Boys Over Girls, and the Consequences of a World Full of Men

by Mara Hvistendah.
In nature, 105 boys are born for every 100 girls. This ratio is biologically ironclad. Between 104 and 106 is the normal range, and that's as far as the natural window goes. Any other number is the result of unnatural events.
Yet today in India there are 112 boys born for every 100 girls. In China, the number is 121—though plenty of Chinese towns are over the 150 mark. China's and India's populations are mammoth enough that their outlying sex ratios have skewed the global average to a biologically impossible 107. But the imbalance is not only in Asia. Azerbaijan stands at 115, Georgia at 118 and Armenia at 120. 
I think they are going to regret this later on.   LIke on prom night!