Dogs Against Romney

Obviously children and animals can't vote, or we wouldn't be in this mess.  I know some children are monsters (like we-have-to-talk-about Kevin), and that some animals eat other ones, or just kill them and drag them around the house in their mouths all day, but still, why shouldn't we have a say in the people who get to make all the rules that we have to follow (and if we don't, we have to take meds)?    If you can't find another reason to not like Romney (then there's something wrong with you or you're the 0.01%), then just ask yourself if you really want the commander in chief to be a man who drove to Canada to escape the draft with the "family" dog strapped to the roof, and his kids in the back horrified at the dog shit dripping down the windows.  I'd hate to think what he'd do to a dog who wasn't a member of the family (and don't even get me started about the Mormons and their "family" values).   And please don't call Mr. Rommell "Mittens" because I know a cat named Mittens, and he's a nice cat and his name shouldn't be dragged through the dog poop like that.

Our revolution must extend to the Otters (and beyond)

Below you will see a cute picture of an otter, one of my favorite animals.  But then, I read the caption, which I made bigger for you below that so you can read in horror what I read.   

I can no longer say that otters are my favorite animals.  Only the female otters.   It says "This otter, identified as female - her scarred face is an indicator of mating practices--"   What????   There's domestic violence among otters?   he has to scratch and chew her face as a part of 'mating practices'?  How exactly does that lead to more baby otters?  If she doesn't like you, then get off, you jerk otter.   people always excuse men for being violent and raping by saying they're just expressing their "animal nature."  Well if that's true, then we need to expand our feminist revolution to the animals, because at least half the animals are girls, and I don't think they're down with the "it's animal nature" argument.

So listen up Mr. Otter, next time you try to mate with a cute little female otter, you better check first and make sure she's not sporting a praying mantis tattoo!

PS on Halloween: Chihuahuahontus is wrong too!

THis is murder.

A bird is mired in oil on the beach at East Grand Terre Island along the Louisiana coast on Thursday, June 3, 2010. Oil from the Deepwater Horizon has affected wildlife throughout the Gulf of Mexico. (AP Photo/Charlie Riedel)

 Or maybe this BPs way of making more oil, by killing the animals and turning them into fossil fuel.

Happy Earth Day - whatever

My grandmother said that my grandfather went to the first earth day back in 1970 - so he could meet other women to have sex with. That seems pretty much in line with the Supreme Court who are celebrating this earth day by declaring open season on the animals - fuck em, stomp em, make them fight each other to death, and then film it and call it speech. I really hope that movie "Furry Vengeance" is a documentary.

I don't think I ever want to develop any sexuality. It seems like people get off on all kinds of things that involve pain for someone or something else and they say they can't control themselves (or sometimes that they shouldn't have to). Yesterday I was at a grocery store and a woman at the dead fish counter ordered Chilean Seabass. I told her not to because there are only like 8 of them left, and she said, "but it tastes so good." It tastes good????? What is wrong with people? I bet her liver would taste good too, but that doesn't mean we should kill and eat her...necessarily. I guess as long as we think that our desire to eat, fuck and wear things is a reason to do it, we should just forget earth day and wait for more unpronouncable volcanos to make us sit the fuck down and chill. And that's another thing. People are actually mad at Iceland for that. Lucky for Iceland it went bankrupt.

These are my favorite versions of the bible stories. Finally a version that actually makes sense (and it's funny).