THE WAR AT HOME

There are atrocities happening under my own roof. We have rats in our house. We’ve never actually seen them, but we hear them, and we find their turds, and they make a lot of noise, and even though they’re the size of our feet – if that, my parents think we are at war. A tribal war, except that they are not trying to kill us, and we are trying to kill them. My parents and brothers are. I am NOT. And the cats don’t seem to care. The only question my family has is how to kill them. Do we poison them? Or crush their heads? My brother wants to crush their heads, because if they eat the poison they’re supposed to get horribly thirsty and go out to look for water and then die, and he’s afraid he won’t get to see the dead bodies. He sits by the side of the house hoping to see one stumble out so he can go Haditha on it. But so far, he’s been robbed of what he thinks is his right to murder.

The “Pest” men have come over 3 times already – and I gave them a list of the pests (with addresses) that I think need ‘removal.’ It’s creepy that we have hired killers coming over to our house. They’re kind of slackers. They just looked around real quick and said they couldn’t find any holes in our house and so they just left poison. I aksed “what about the squirrels and other animals, won’t they die too.” “No” they said, “this won’t hurt them at all, only the rats. We don’t kill animals.” And I said what about the rats? And they said, this will just make them very thirsty and maybe have some heartburn and then they’ll go outside to get a drink. ‘yeah, but they die-- a horrible poisonous death.’ I know they know, but they really don’t want to be killers, it’s just a crappy job, which is probably all they could get. but that’s no excuse to be a murderer. Just cause someone pays you to do it doesn’t mean you didn’t. And just because they use all kinds of fake language doesn’t make it not killing.